Birth

I have given birth to 3 children.  The first birth was medicated.  I got the epidural to numb away the pain as soon as it began to hurt a lot.  I completely and totally understood at that moment why women choose to avoid the pain of childbirth.  It really, really hurts.  Through a series of experiences connected to giving birth to J., I decided to forgo pain medication for the births of my last 2 children.  A lot of people thought I was crazy.  "Why would you want to go through that much pain if you don't have to?" and "Oh no, not me!  Give me the drugs!" were probably the two responses I heard the most often.   There are so many reasons why it was the right choice for me, but what I want to focus on today is how going through the experience the way I did has transformed me spiritually and allowed me to understand God in a way I never have before.

I'm going to reflect back specifically on my most recent birth, as it happened, well...most recently :) and is most fresh in my mind.  As any women who has gone through the pain that comes with child birth can attest, it is a pain like no other.  It is intense beyond description.  The way birth is portrayed in TV and movies is really quite laughable, both in how neat and tidy it is as well as how little it shows the intensity a women experiences when she is in it.  I remember feeling at so many moments that this pain was so unbelievably impossible to bear that I might just rather die than go through any more of it.  So why oh why did I put myself through that?  Spiritually speaking,  I believe enduring that pain helped me connect closer to Jesus' agony on the cross.  I think the pain I suffered was surely less than what He went through, but in the moment of it I felt very close to Him and what He endured.  My midwife at one point (who I don't think professes to be a Christian although I could be wrong) reminded me of the crucifixion when I told her "I just don't want to do this."  I was honestly struck silent with what she said and felt for sure God had given her that thought to share with me.

 While I was in it, I remember wondering how anyone might be able to do this (even though I had done it in a similar fashion once before).  Yet somehow God carried me through the experience as He does with every other women who gives birth to a child.  When I look back on it I am both amazed that I endured and in awe of how God helped me so much.   I actually can't imagine being able to do it again because I think He only gave me the strength for that moment, a strength I only needed then, and not now.  Yet I trust that if I were to experience it again, as with any momentous challenge in my life, that God would see me through it and give me the grace and courage to overcome whatever I might face.

On another note, lest one should think that it is the women who is so amazing to be able to bring forth human life despite enduring such pain, I would like to suggest that it's actually the women's husband who has the harder time in the process.  I realized this fact after giving birth this last time.  I began to think about how much it hurt God to see His Son whom He loved so much suffering and hurting on the cross.  It wasn't that He couldn't stop that hurt and suffering, but He didn't, because if He did then it would be the rest of us, whom He also loved who would suffer eternally.  Still it must have been agony to watch and not step in.  The same can be said for my husband and all the other husbands out there who have watched their wives go through the pain of childbirth.  While they can be there to lend support and words of comfort, they are powerless to take the pain away.  Imagine what it would be like to watch the person you love the most in the whole world, in total agony and you really can't do anything about it.  He was helpless.  I know it hurt him tremendously and if the tables were turned I wouldn't want to be in his position.

The bottom line in all of this is that sometimes even if you have a choice not to, it's worth it to go through something.  When you're in it, you have the strength of God helping you in a way that you've never experienced before.  When you think you will not make it through, He will show you that you will.  And the best reward of all is that you will know Him in a new way.  So many people thought I was crazy to go through the pain of natural childbirth.  But I know deep in my heart that I know Him in ways I never could have if I had chosen differently.