He is in the Hurricane

My heart is as heavy as it is amazed.  Hearing the story of two little boys swept out of their mother’s arms in this storm is too devastating to even wrap my mind around.  At the very same time, I am in awe of how God protected all of the babies at NYU; little tiny things who were relying on respirators to breathe and yet not a single one lost their life while being evacuated.  I think it’s impossible to fully comprehend why God chose to protect some and let others go.  I don’t think we’re supposed to.  It seems so unfair right?

But what if God protected us from every disaster?   What if not one life was ever taken tragically?  What if there were never tragedies in the first place?  What would happen?  The bible actually answers this:

For I envied the arrogant


when I saw the prosperity of the wicked

They have no struggles;


their bodies are healthy and strong.

They are free from the burdens common to man;
    

they are not plagued by human ills.

Therefore pride is their necklace;
    

they clothe themselves with violence.

From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
   

 the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.

They scoff, and speak with malice;
   

 in their arrogance they threaten oppression.

Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
  

  and their tongues take possession of the earth.

Therefore their people turn to them
 

   and drink up waters in abundance. 

They say, “How can God know?
   

Does the Most High have knowledge?”  Psalm 73:4-11 NIV84

If our lives were entirely free from pain and suffering, we would turn our backs on the God who created us.  His primary concern is not for our personal earthly happiness and security.  It’s for our heart to be turned to Him.  When bad things happen we look to God for comfort, for reassurance, and for hope.  He gladly provides it.   We also look to each other for support.  Suddenly neighbors are reaching out to help each other.  People are putting others before themselves.  We toss our own selfishness to the side for a moment and really care for people.   It would be nice if it did, but it just doesn’t happen when all is well in the world. 

So while I don’t understand why some were spared and others were not, I don’t have to.  I can trust in God who knows all things.  I can pray He would comfort the ones who are hurting and draw them into His arms.  I can thank Him for miraculously saving others.  I’ll close by including some of the lyrics from a song I listened to today by Big Daddy Weave, “The Hurt and the Healer”:

Why?

The question that is never far away

But healing doesn't come from the explained

Jesus please don't let this go in vain

You're all I have, all that remains

So here I am

What's left of me

Where Glory meets my suffering

CHORUS

I'm alive

Even though a part of me has died

You take my heart and breathe it back to life

I fall into Your arms open wide

When the hurt and the Healer collide

Protection

Not my companion but this is pretty much
what they all looked like

Sometimes I ponder the ways God has protected me from danger that I am completely unaware of.  Truly we have no idea how He has altered our paths time and time again to keep something horrible from happening to us.  It could be many times in a single day.  I hope someday when I finally meet God face to face, He’ll show me a picture of how He protected me over the course of my lifetime.

Of course occasionally we find ourselves in direct situations where we experience God’s protection in our lives in a way that we can’t deny that His hand kept us from imminent danger.  This happened to me fourteen years ago when I went to live and study for a semester in Costa Rica.

It was my second day in the country and our group of American exchange students met up for an orientation to our new city.  We each had been placed to live for the semester with local families and because we didn’t yet know our way around or how to use public transportation we were supposed to be dropped off and picked up directly by our host family. 

As we were toured around the city I noticed something quite distasteful.  The city was chalk full of scary, mangy, feral dogs.  They were everywhere.  Now while I love a cute cuddly puppy, I’ve never been a big dog lover.  These dogs were down right scary to look at and when I saw one I tried to get far, far away. 

By the end of the long day of introductions and loads of new information we gathered in the city plaza to await our rides back to our homes.  One by one my classmates were picked up.  Finally I found myself the lone exchange student waiting on my ride.  This was the era prior to the common use of cell phones so the program director had to use a pay phone to call my family.  He returned and reassured me they were on their way and would be there shortly.  He then left me there in the middle of the plaza to wait for them.  Looking back on that I really cannot believe he just left me there alone, a young 20 year old women in a foreign country with absolutely no way to contact him or anyone else should something happen.

I waited for a while and it began to get dark.  For any of you that have ever traveled to Central or South America, the cities all have these huge plazas and after dark these places can become home to all kinds of vagrants and unsavory types.  Sure enough as it got darker I began to notice some intoxicated men and other “sketchy” individuals walking nearby.  At that moment I had that panicky pit of my stomach feeling you feel when you are in danger.  What was I going to do if they approached me?  I frantically looked around me and noticed sitting nearby was one of those feral dogs I had seen roaming the streets.  “Great.” I thought.  “I’m going to be attacked by a drunk and a dog!.”  I wanted to run but I didn’t have anywhere to go.  Soon a few of the loitering men began to approach me speaking in slurred Spanish.  But just as they took two more steps in my direction the craziest thing happened.  The dog jumped up and lunged at them, biting one of them.   The startled men hurried away.

Over the course of the next half hour or so the dog barked wildly gnashing its teeth at anyone who walked even remotely near me.  If nobody was walking nearby the dog stood or sat close to my side.  I could hardly believe what I was seeing.  I had never seen this dog before in my life.  It didn’t know me, yet it sensed it needed to protect me.  Eventually, probably at least an hour after I had been left by the director in the plaza, my host family finally showed up to retrieve me.  As I drove off with them, I made eye contact with that stringy, dingy dog and silently whispered, “Thank you.”

I believe with all my heart God sent that dog to protect me.  Don’t believe it?  That’s okay, but I just cannot chalk that experience up to chance.  Sometimes I struggle with why God places His protection on some and not others.  I know He doesn’t promise I will always have His protection physically.  Spiritually yes, physically no.  Thankfully I know that His ways are not mine.  His reasons are not always understood.  I have to trust that because He is God.  I did not create Him.  He created me.  Maybe He protected me that day because He knew someday I would tell the story.  All I know is I am so very thankful for that little dog and for my God who sent him to me.

Tolerance

I’ve been thinking lately due to a number of reasons about what it means to be tolerant.  People around me talk often about looking for a place where people are tolerant and open minded.  They respect that ideal.  But what does tolerance really mean?

 Am I intolerant if what I believe to be true doesn’t match with yours?  Am I intolerant if I am not open minded, meaning I hold certain values to be right and not others?  What if my mind set doesn’t match yours?  If open mindedness walks hand in hand with tolerance, then only people who believe everything can be true are truly tolerant.  Personally I don’t really see how that’s even possible.  Everything cannot be true.  Everything cannot be right.  So if you can only tolerate those with your mindset, even if your mindset is open-mindedness, then you aren’t being tolerant either.  Tolerance does not mean an acceptance or support of a lifestyle or set of beliefs.

Here’s what I believe tolerance to be: Tolerance means I accept you as being a valuable human being even if I disagree with what you think is right or what you believe.  Tolerance means I believe you are worthy of love even if we disagree.  Tolerance means I hope we can be friends and share meaningful conversation even if our view points differ.  Tolerance walks hand in hand with love.

Rich Girl

I grew up with everything a kid could ever want.  Thanks to my parents I was fairly unaware of the fact that we were well off.  My parents denied me some of the things that my private school friends received like new cars, cash, and fancy ski trips. However, I never lacked for anything, and quite frankly looking back I got to do a lot, went to a lot of interesting places around the world, and lived a pretty cushy life.  I may not have been part of the top 1 %, but I had to have been living in a family that was at least in the top 10%.  Compared to the rest of world we were way up there.

The front door of my childhood home

I went to an excellent private school, a top college, and an Ivy League school for graduate studies.  Couple that with the rest of my upbringing and I entered adulthood with a voice that spoke to my subconscious telling me that I should reach for the same in my own adult life.  Work hard.  Gain success.  Be financially stable (meaning with significant extra money beyond one’s expenses).  If you do all of that you’ll be happy.  If you have a comfortable life with lots of cushion to fall back on, you’ll be safe from worry. 

Except here’s the little problem with that:  #1 Life isn’t supposed to be about having a comfortable stable existence and being happy.  It’s supposed to be about doing God’s will no matter what that is.  #2 Having too many fall back plans means you’re not trusting God to take care of you; you’re trusting yourself.

So here I am.  I have no permanent form of employment that utilizes the skills I learned in all those years of schooling.  Because of that we don’t have extra money to sock away for a rainy day or to fall back on in case the bottom falls out.  I had to break it to my Dad, that I will probably never become a school principal or superintendant like he hoped I might (Sorry Dad you know I love you! ; ) My life looks nothing like the way I grew up and it’s probably never going to. 

But you know what?  I’m home with my kids and I’ve never been happier.  I have time to serve God with all my heart.  I have time to build lasting relationships with other mothers in my community and my children are right along side of me while I do that.   I have a wonderful husband who loves me despite all of my faults, is patient, longsuffering, and kind. I’ve been learning to trust God to supply our needs and even seen Him supply extras that we don’t need.  I’ve been learning that happiness doesn’t come from having it all.  It comes from loving people and being reminded that I have a Savior who loves me in the biggest way possible. 

I had a really great childhood.  I’m thankful for that.  It won’t be the same kind of childhood I give my own children, but I feel certain they will feel similarly grateful as I do about their own upbringing, just for different reasons.

When I struggle with feeling like I don’t have what I should (and I struggle with this very much even despite what I stated above), I turn to God’s word and it always encourages me.  Today I read this and I really feel like it spoke into my life:

“Do not be overawed when a man grows rich,
   

when the splendor of his house increases;

for he will take nothing with him when he dies,
   

 his splendor will not descend with him.

Though while he lived he counted himself blessed—
  
  and men praise you when you prosper—

he will join the generation of his fathers,
   
 who will never see the light of life.

A man who has riches without understanding
   
 is like the beasts that perish.” 

Psalm 49:16-20 NIV84

God please let me be free of making my life about myself.  It’s such a short one and I want to live it for you.  In the end no tangible thing I build for myself here will go with me, so let my life be about how much I can love, encourage, and lift up others.  In the end, it’s your kingdom (and not riches) that’s the only thing worth building up.

For Laughs Volume 2

Well it's hard to believe I last did this in January!  Time to compile all the funny sayings I posted on Facebook that my kiddos uttered in the last 9 months.  Enjoy a good chuckle!

1/21/12

RE: the catch made popular on John and Kate plus Eight: M: J, You get what you want and you don't get upset! J: No, it's, You get what you GET and you don't get upset! M: That's what I said!

1/23/12

Went to Walgreens to pick up some stuff and I let M. choose a gift for his friend's birthday this weekend. While I inspected the arts and crafts he was further down the aisle with a basket. He strutted over to me with his basket filled with "presents". What was inside? 2 containers of tacks, 2 flashlights, and a packet of stickers. Needless to say we had to make some other choices (besides the stickers of course!) : ) Love that boy!

1/31/12

On our way to school today we were discussing what we would name our dog if we had one, and M. said, "I'm gonna name my dog 'Fluffy the Cat'. "

3/6/12

M. wants to wear a barrette in his hair so badly, he fashioned one out of a paper clip and is walking around with it in his hair!

3/9/12

Intending to deny his own responsibility for ripping pages out of a library book, mistakenly M. denied that he was M.

3/10/12

M. to T. while jamming to his own tune this morning: "Come on girl! Sing it!"

3/30/12

M: Mom can I have seaweeds for breakfast?

I mean how can I say no to that?

 4/10/12

Oh the independence of a 3rd child! Much to my amazement T. managed to get a hold of a container of apple sauce, a knife from the dishwasher, cut open the apple sauce herself, and I found her feeding herself on the kitchen floor! 12 months old! (and yes I did take the knife away from her when I discovered this : )

4/16/12

M. just used the word "gorgeous" to describe a cookie I gave him. LOL!

4/20/12

M. with scissors in hand: "Daddy, the carpet needs a haircut!"

4/29/12

Night 2 of M. sleeping under a laundry basket...At least he goes to bed without complaining!

5/3/12

I love how M. thinks that whispering just as loud as he was talking is considered being quiet.

5/20/12

M. is dancing around the house singing a song he has clearly composed himself: "Jumping up and down! jumping up and down! Obama! Obama!"

5/27/12

Me: "M. be careful!"

M: "I'm carefuling!"

6/3/12

I hear fighting coming from the back of our apartment. I go back there and what are the boys fighting over? A bag of carrots! Surreal!

6/13/12

I hear a shriek and J. crying that M. punched him. Before I can even summon M. I hear him yell, "It's okay I'm in time out!"

6/14/12

Boys in the bathtub discussing their weekend plans:

J: I want to go to the Queens zoo. What do you think they have there?

M: I want to go there! I think they'll have queens, and dragons, and princesses!

6/20/12

M: Mommy I want to go to "Toys are Mine"

J: No M. it's "Toys r Us"

6/24/12

J: Mommy, how fast does a cheetah run if it has rocket boosters attached to it?

Me: quizzical stare

6/28/12

Checked in on the boys in their shower:

J: Mom I'm doing a good job washing my hair!

M: Yeah and I'm peen' in the shower!

6/29/12

J: I lost Daddy's soccer ball! He's going to kill me!

M: Really? With what?

7/18/12

So this morning in the shower I accidentally shampooed my face. In addition to that today while M. was making pizza with two of his friends who came over, I caught him drinking tomato sauce out of the jar with a straw. We're clearly related!

9/19/12

Watch Yo Gabba Gabba while mommy showers or sneak into the bathroom to eat toothpaste? Hmmmm which to choose....?