Our Sweet Baby I.'s Homebirth Story!

At 12:45 am on November 24^th I woke up to a few contractions.  They felt different than what I had been feeling before.  I began to panic as it was 2 weeks until my due date and I really didn’t feel ready to go through labor.  R. had just gotten back from working straight for 24 hours and hadn’t slept in almost 2 days.  It wasn’t a good time.  Besides that, I had pretty much spent my entire pregnancy not wanting to have to go through labor.  Obviously this was an inevitable end and beginning that I needed to complete at some point, but I wasn’t ready for it to be that night. 

I went to the bathroom and after I peed and wiped the toilet paper was slightly pink tinged. Blood.  Darn this was happening.  I knew this was happening.  I called my midwife telling her I didn’t want to go through it, that I wasn’t ready.  I told her I wanted to go to the hospital and drug myself up and just not have to deal with the pain.   She said, take a bath and maybe they would stop.  I knew she was wrong, but I took her advice.  I got in the shower and had some more contractions there.  When I got out I got dressed and felt a gush and knew my water was leaking.  I called back my midwife and she said she thought she should come over.  My water usually doesn’t break until the very end of labor so having it happen this early on signaled to her that it might be quick.  Our apartment was in a bit of disarray so R. got busy straightening things up for our birth team to arrive.  I continued to have contractions, but they were pretty manageable.

When my midwife arrived I had surrendered to the process and journey ahead.  I had hoped this time I would be able to lean on the two rocks in my life, Jesus and R.  I hadn’t ever managed to keep my focus on them during labor before, but this time I really did.  R. put on some music for me that really kept me in prayer and I would pray to Jesus during each contraction and in between too.  I thought about how he had endured so much more than I ever would.  I was also hopeful and asked God if we could have the baby before the older kids woke up in the morning.  The assistants arrived shortly.  I alternated laboring on the bed, the exercise ball, and just standing.  One the assistants was a massage therapist so she helped relax my legs in between contractions as they were shaking badly.  This helped so much because spasming legs is not conducive to rest in between contractions.  I went back into the shower and labored there through a few contractions, but it was too hot and I wanted to get out.  Back to my room and the labor ball and then back to the bed.  Through the whole things I just kept praying for God to help me through and leaning on R. for support.  We were totally in sync.  My birth team monitored the baby and was very hands off.  They let me do my thing and followed my lead.

Eventually I started to feel I.’s head much lower and my body began to push.  At my request I was never checked for dilation.  I just wanted to go with the flow.  I pushed for what felt like a really, really long time.  My midwife told me later it was just light pushing for about 20 minutes and then really intense insanely hard pushing for about 20 minutes.  It hurt so much and I badly wanted breaks, but my body was just doing it and so I went with it had pushed with all I had.  Eventually I pushed I.’s head out, but his shoulders got a little bit stuck in the position I was in (on my side) so they flipped me on all fours.  I have never been in so much pain and I was worried he was stuck and wouldn’t come out.  In maybe only a minute more I pushed his shoulders out and the rest of him came.  What sweet relief!  He was born at 6:14 am about 20 minutes before our other 3 woke up and came in to greet their new brother and sing happy birthday!

We immediately noticed he was sort of chunky and sure enough he is the heaviest of all our four kids at 8 lbs 4 oz.  Surprising for being the earliest by far.  We are so in love and blessed to have him here.  Recovery is going well.  He nurses wonderfully.  I couldn’t be more happy that God chose a different plan for our family than the one I had planned for myself.

4 weeks to go! or 3? or 2? or 5?

I have exactly 3 weeks and 6 days until our fourth little human is due to make his appearance.  I was reflecting the last day or two about how much anticipation I always feel in the final weeks of pregnancy.  When I ponder it, it feels quite huge.  On some pre-set date, that only God knows about, our child will arrive into this world, and I have no idea what day that's going to be.  It's exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time.  I think to myself, "It could be next week or in three weeks or five" I'm not sure if I like the anticipation of it or not.  The planner side of me certainly does not like it.  But it's a lesson in trusting God.  It will be soon though.  I will meet my fourth sweet little baby face to face.  It's been a long long roller coaster ride of a pregnancy.  But God has brought me a long way.  I'm excited.  Stay tuned!

On the Fence

For the last year I've been part of an online community of Christian women.  It's been interesting to discuss different topics and I've learned a lot about where I stand in my own walk with God.  The debates at time can get very intense.  I do enjoy a good debate however and often find myself straddling the fence on whatever topic is being discussed.

Lately I've been pondering my place as a fence straddler.  I don't know what I believe about a lot of things.  To name a few: I see the biblical basis for both believer and infant baptism, predestination vs. free will, remarriage being acceptable vs. never being acceptable.  I have absolutely no certainty over where I stand politically on gay marriage and abortion, although I tend to lean more liberally in the political arena while keeping my bible minded beliefs out of that area.

I feel like there is so much I just don't know and in the past that concerned me.  When the online debates get heated over things like Halloween, modesty, should every believer speak in tongues etc… there is an ever present Catholic voice on the board that points out that we Protestants can never figure out what we believe about anything, are constantly divided, and that leads to bickering and dissension.  She's certainly correct.  She points out that the Catholic Church's solution to this is to have a stance on everything, therefore eliminating the need to wonder about anything.  The leader being infallible and ordained by God cannot make a mistake, therefore Catholic doctrine comes directly from God and solves the problem of what is right, wrong, and what to do about it if you're wrong about something.

It makes nice, neat sense, except for one thing I've been feeling lately:  I just don't feel like God wants us to know and have all the answers.  I don't doubt the answers exist.  But perhaps being uncertain leads us to just trust Him and have faith that one day it WILL all make sense.  If we have all the answers down pat we as human beings have this nasty tendency of becoming self righteous and legalistic, trusting in rules and not God Himself.

With all that said, I could be entirely wrong.  : )   I'm okay with that.  I'm actually very okay with saying I don't know how I feel about a lot of stuff.  I think I have the important stuff down.  Love God, follow Jesus, love people.  Leave everything else in His hands and listen to His voice.  Someday I will see Him face to face and maybe then everything will be perfectly clear.