I'm Ready

For the last month or so M. has been asking me the same question at least once a day: "Mom am I ready for school?" I always answer, "You're ready M. but you're not going to school today." And then he asks me "Why?" which I follow up with, "It's not time yet. You will start school after the summer is finished." He's usually satisfied with this answer, but today he said this to me: "Why do I have to wait?  Because I'm ready. I'm ready, ready, ready NOW!" I completely get his frustration and I certainly know what it feels like to feel ready for something to happen and then have to wait. We've likely all been there. We think we know when it's time for God to move on a situation and then we wrestle with frustration when He doesn't. I'm personally dealing with this as we speak. The truth of the matter though is that God is always moving. He is always working things out. We just don't have eyes that can see behind the scenes. And because of that we have to just trust Him while we wait. Knowing that our human condition will nearly guarantee that we will struggle with this, God has given us numerous scriptures to encourage us. Here are a few:

 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
 when they carry out their wicked schemes. (Psalm 37:7 NIV84)

 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. (Psalm 33:20 NIV84)

Wait for the Lord;
 be strong and take heart
 And wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:14 NIV84)

 I don't know if I'll ever get better at this waiting thing. I guess I'll just have to wait and see! ;)

Losing My Friend

Over the past four years, little by little, I’ve been losing a friendship very dear to me.  I’ve tried over and over again to keep it close.  I’ve attempted to reach out, visit, anything I could to hold on to someone who I care for and love very deeply.  But painfully I can say that at least for now, we are no longer in contact.  I desperately hope that this will not last long.  I pray that even today my phone will ring and it will be her…but realistically I am not counting on this. 

I’ve seen friendships go to the wayside in my life before.  Distance and changes in life have usually been the cause.  It was a little sad, but usually there was a mutual understanding that the season of our friendship was over.  But unlike this time, these were not extremely close friends.  This loss bites to my core, because this friend and I have been through so much together.  We have known each other a really long time and have been there for each other through a lot of major life events.   This person and her family also played a large role in my coming to the knowledge that God loved me and wanted me to follow Him. 

We did not have a falling out.  We aren’t in a fight.  We’ve drifted apart a little bit at a time and now I’m only able to surmise that some big life conflicts and challenges  that have come into her life, have her in a place where she is unwilling to respond to all attempts I have made to reach out. 

So why am I sharing this instead of privately crying in a corner?  Well, through the pain and rejection that I have felt I’ve begun to identify with someone.  Multiple my pain and rejection by more than a million and that is the way God feels when we turn our back on Him.  “But He’s the God of the whole universe, why should it matter if I spend my time doing other things? “ you might say. To answer this question: Wrong it does matter!  God sent His own son to earth so that we could identify with Him on a deeply human level.  He wants the relationship.  He desires the friendship with us..  When we don’t make anytime for it, God feels the rejection.  It grieves Him.  It hurts Him. 

Part of me wants to cross my arms and turn my back on my friend for good.  I’ve been reaching out and trying and she hasn’t.  But I will not do that. Because thankfully God does not do that with me.  He is patient and forgiving.  He doesn’t let go of me even when I’m not holding on to Him.  So I’ve promised myself that I will always be here for her.  Whenever she is ready and even if she is not.  I’ve written her and told her this.  I haven’t heard anything, but I’m hoping and praying and believing that someday I will.

If you’re reading this A. :  I love you.  Nothing will ever change that, and I’m here.

Why I Don't Do Politics

In light of the upcoming presidential election as well as very recent statements made by our president, I feel led to share a little about the fence that I sit on when it comes to all things political.

In trying to come to a determination for whom I would vote, side with, etc. I find myself asking and wondering, which side would Jesus approve of?  The answer I can only conclude is, He would approve of some things from each side and he would disapprove of some things from each side.

I find one side treats issues of poverty with care and concern while the other is focused on me, myself, and I.  Never mind the poor, each person needs to be responsible for their own life, their own hardships, and their own successes.  This obviously bothers me.  Christ charges us to care about those who have less than we do, to love them, and help them.  He promotes a sense of community where we are to love one another, not selfishly cling to what we have earned and worked hard for because it belongs to us.

But then there are the issues of morality: abortion, gay marriage etc.  I don’t even know what to do with these.  I have personal beliefs about them that are in line with what the bible teaches, but my conflict lies in making my beliefs a law that everyone else has to follow.  I’m not certain that pointing fingers at people and trying to force them into following rules that they don’t adhere to is the answer.  Does doing that draw people to Christ?  I’m in no way suggesting I support the practices.  But I also don’t know how a political agenda against them does anything to help people come to know Jesus.  And isn’t that really what life is about for me?  Lives will never change until people see the power and love of God in their own.  The changes occur after that, not by stuffing our beliefs down the throats of everyone who feels differently.

I really have no answers.  I have no vote to give.  I don’t fully support anyone.  I guess I will be looked down upon by many, because I don’t exercise my right to vote; a right that was hard earned by women who have come before me.  But I just can’t take a side.  I don’t think Christ could either, so I’m just going to side with Him and take a back seat to politics.

Wisdom

"Here's what I want: Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well, discerning the difference between good and evil. For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?" (1Kings1:9 The Message)

Right before this verse in the bible, God had asked Solomon what He could give him.  Solomon could have asked for anything in the world.  But because he asked for wisdom and truly desired it, God gave him that and so much more.

"Because you have asked for this and haven't grasped after a long life, or riches, or the doom of your enemies, but you have asked for the ability to lead and govern well, I'll give you what you've asked for—I'm giving you a wise and mature heart. There's never been one like you before; and there'll be no one after. As a bonus, I'm giving you both the wealth and glory you didn't ask for—“ (1Kings1:10-13 The Message)

How many of us would answer God the same way as Solomon?  Would we really be so selfless?  Asking for things that would benefit ourselves like, health, a long life, or financial stability would be the likely request of many of us.  But those things will only last so long.  Eventually health will fail, life will end, and wealth will be left behind.  What Solomon asked for had eternal significance and if we could actually see how significant that would be in our own lives we would all be asking for it.

For Solomon it had an immediate reward.  A few lines down in the same chapter we read this:

“The very next thing, two prostitutes showed up before the king. The one woman said, "My master, this woman and I live in the same house. While we were living together, I had a baby. Three days after I gave birth, this woman also had a baby. We were alone—there wasn't anyone else in the house except for the two of us. The infant son of this woman died one night when she rolled over on him in her sleep. She got up in the middle of the night and took my son—I was sound asleep, mind you!—and put him at her breast and put her dead son at my breast. When I got up in the morning to nurse my son, here was this dead baby! But when I looked at him in the morning light, I saw immediately that he wasn't my baby."

"Not so!" said the other woman. "The living one's mine; the dead one's yours." 
The first woman countered, "No! Your son's the dead one; mine's the living one." 
They went back and forth this way in front of the king. (1Kings 1:16-22)

Many of you know how this story then unfolds.  Solomon must determine who is the mother of this baby.  He proclaims he will cut the baby in two and give half to each woman.  Only the true mother cries out and begs King Solomon to give the baby to the other woman in order to spare his life.  In this way Solomon knows who the real mother truly is, and give the baby back to her. 

I don’t think it’s any coincidence that we see Solomon’s wisdom from the Lord in action so quickly after he’s asked for it.  When we truly seek the discernment and wisdom from God He gives it to us when we need it.  But how many times do we ask God for wisdom but not truly desire or care if it’s wisdom we receive?  How many of us really want the wisdom God desires to give us?  I’d venture to guess that many of us really just want our own way. 

Without wisdom, who knows what would have happened to that little baby.  Thankfully Solomon sought discernment from God just in time.

I personally need, want, and pray for God’s wisdom in my own life.  I want to know that when I move, speak, and act, that I am doing so under the guidance of the Lord.  That way my life will end up counting for something much more than things that will eventually pass away.

Thumb Sucking Regression

For a while I’ve been meaning to write about J.’s return to thumb sucking, but I’ve put it off.  Why?  Well, simply put, I wrote an entire entry about how God faithfully helped him stop.  I wrote about how God gives us paper cuts sometimes just like He gave J. to help him stop sucking his thumb.  I saw the faithfulness of God in his life and I rejoiced in a victory I believed we had won…

And then he started sucking his thumb again.  Oh the frustration I feel every time I see him doing it.  “He’s six and a half for crying out loud!” I think to myself on a daily basis. “When will this end?”  I really thought we had it over an done with and feel overwhelmingly disappointed that he seems to be thumb sucking even more than ever before.

But thankfully God displays more patience with him than I do.  And He displays more patience with us all.  How many times have I turned a new page on something, certain I was leaving an old way behind, only to slip back into the same habit?  We’re all like that.  We can have such certainty about turning away from something, but then we fall, we falter, we fail. 

But God is merciful.  Even with our very lives and hearts.  After all, we either turned away from Him at one point or we are turning away from Him right now.  But the bible says, “He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” (2Peter3:9b NIV84)  Here the bible is talking about our souls.  Even as we turn our backs on Him, He is patient, waiting for us to come to Him.  And He’s the same way with our nasty habits.  We can foul up again and again.  People can get fed up with us.  But God does not. 

I am going to try and remind myself of this every time I see that thumb.

"I love you Mom!"

Quick post today!  It's Friday night and after my kids finished eating dinner they were begging me for ice cream.  After little sis was off to bed, I scooped up two bowls (one chocolate, the other sherbet :)  The boys jumped for joy (they don't get ice cream too often) and each promptly announced, "Thank you!  I love you Mom!" and raced off to eat their ice cream.

As I cleaned up dishes I thought to myself, how easily I get an "I love you!' from them when I give them things they want like ice cream.  But how often do my busy boys just tell me that for no reason?  Only once in a while.  And how often do they tell me that in the midst of me instructing or punishing them? Umm... Never.

But you know what?  Aren't we adults often the same way with God?  We're so quick to tell Him we love Him when we receive something we want.  We're not so quick to tell Him the same thing just because of who He is and definitely not when we are going through something.  But we should.  He is God and He is good and loving to us all the time.  We should answer Him back similarly...All the time!

The Planner

“We all know you’re a planner Kate”, my mom has said to me many times.  She views this as a good thing.  Most of the world views this as a good thing.  I’m a type A personality that likes to maintain control of my life and my future.  I save money when I have it and I rarely spend money whether I have it or not  I fret about if we have enough in savings, if we’re preparing well for retirement, saving for college, etc… I like the cushion to fall back on.   I’m a serial budgeter.  As I research buying a home, I am an addict of the mortgage calculator websites.   Again, Suzie Ormond would probably give me a thumbs up for my good financial standing in this world.

But you see there’s a problem with all of that.  Where does God fall into it all?  I’ve spent a great deal of time fighting and arguing with my self and my husband over this very question.  You see, God gave me a husband who while very frugal himself, keeps his eyes on the Lord alone when it comes to financial stability and our future.  I’m very grateful for this, especially in light of what God has been trying to show me about trusting in Him for what lies ahead. 

I think the pivotal point of change for me in all of this occurred when I walked away from my stable paycheck over a year ago to stay home with my kids.  I can’t say however, that I had a great change of heart and mind in order to be able to do this.  I planned for it.  I budgeted out the money to make sure we had enough to cover my time away from work, and in the back of my head I figured that I would be returning when the year was up.

As this year has gone by however, God has been helping me to trust Him with my whole heart.  He has been helping me to focus on more eternal things than just the well being of my self and my little family.  As He has worked on me in this area I have taken note of an interesting thing that has actually happened to our savings account.  While I had planned for a certain amount of it to be gone at this point, covering the expenses that R.’s single paycheck could not; our net balance has basically stayed the same.  How is that possible? Simple. God has provided.  He has blessed us in various ways this past year that has made up the amount we have lacked.  He has done that.  He didn’t need my planning and tabulating.  He needed my heart and my trust in Him.

So… last week I did something that some might consider unwise, unthrifty, and all together detrimental to the financial state of our family.  I submitted paperwork that stated I would not be returning to work as planned.  Will I ever go back?  I have no idea.  Only God knows.  I was a teacher before I left to stay home with my kids.  I did that job because it’s what I always wanted to do.  I have no idea if it’s what God wanted me to do because I never asked Him.  At this point all I know is that He has me home with my children, trusting Him to make a way for us.  If I go back to teaching someday it will have to be because He is directing me to, not because I want to or just because it’s logical and makes sense. 

From now on my purpose is one we should all have: to walk in His will for our lives, doing what He has called us to do.  Not our will.  Not our plans.  His.  For His purpose.  I personally have never felt such freedom and such joy as I do now. The fact is we can think we have everything planned out in life.  But, the truth is we really don’t have control over anything.  When we rest in knowing His plans are good and all we must do is trust in Him, we can have the kind of life we truly long for.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will see me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

                                                      (Jeremiah 29:11-13NIV84)