The Planner

“We all know you’re a planner Kate”, my mom has said to me many times.  She views this as a good thing.  Most of the world views this as a good thing.  I’m a type A personality that likes to maintain control of my life and my future.  I save money when I have it and I rarely spend money whether I have it or not  I fret about if we have enough in savings, if we’re preparing well for retirement, saving for college, etc… I like the cushion to fall back on.   I’m a serial budgeter.  As I research buying a home, I am an addict of the mortgage calculator websites.   Again, Suzie Ormond would probably give me a thumbs up for my good financial standing in this world.

But you see there’s a problem with all of that.  Where does God fall into it all?  I’ve spent a great deal of time fighting and arguing with my self and my husband over this very question.  You see, God gave me a husband who while very frugal himself, keeps his eyes on the Lord alone when it comes to financial stability and our future.  I’m very grateful for this, especially in light of what God has been trying to show me about trusting in Him for what lies ahead. 

I think the pivotal point of change for me in all of this occurred when I walked away from my stable paycheck over a year ago to stay home with my kids.  I can’t say however, that I had a great change of heart and mind in order to be able to do this.  I planned for it.  I budgeted out the money to make sure we had enough to cover my time away from work, and in the back of my head I figured that I would be returning when the year was up.

As this year has gone by however, God has been helping me to trust Him with my whole heart.  He has been helping me to focus on more eternal things than just the well being of my self and my little family.  As He has worked on me in this area I have taken note of an interesting thing that has actually happened to our savings account.  While I had planned for a certain amount of it to be gone at this point, covering the expenses that R.’s single paycheck could not; our net balance has basically stayed the same.  How is that possible? Simple. God has provided.  He has blessed us in various ways this past year that has made up the amount we have lacked.  He has done that.  He didn’t need my planning and tabulating.  He needed my heart and my trust in Him.

So… last week I did something that some might consider unwise, unthrifty, and all together detrimental to the financial state of our family.  I submitted paperwork that stated I would not be returning to work as planned.  Will I ever go back?  I have no idea.  Only God knows.  I was a teacher before I left to stay home with my kids.  I did that job because it’s what I always wanted to do.  I have no idea if it’s what God wanted me to do because I never asked Him.  At this point all I know is that He has me home with my children, trusting Him to make a way for us.  If I go back to teaching someday it will have to be because He is directing me to, not because I want to or just because it’s logical and makes sense. 

From now on my purpose is one we should all have: to walk in His will for our lives, doing what He has called us to do.  Not our will.  Not our plans.  His.  For His purpose.  I personally have never felt such freedom and such joy as I do now. The fact is we can think we have everything planned out in life.  But, the truth is we really don’t have control over anything.  When we rest in knowing His plans are good and all we must do is trust in Him, we can have the kind of life we truly long for.

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will see me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." 

                                                      (Jeremiah 29:11-13NIV84)