Losing My Friend

Over the past four years, little by little, I’ve been losing a friendship very dear to me.  I’ve tried over and over again to keep it close.  I’ve attempted to reach out, visit, anything I could to hold on to someone who I care for and love very deeply.  But painfully I can say that at least for now, we are no longer in contact.  I desperately hope that this will not last long.  I pray that even today my phone will ring and it will be her…but realistically I am not counting on this. 

I’ve seen friendships go to the wayside in my life before.  Distance and changes in life have usually been the cause.  It was a little sad, but usually there was a mutual understanding that the season of our friendship was over.  But unlike this time, these were not extremely close friends.  This loss bites to my core, because this friend and I have been through so much together.  We have known each other a really long time and have been there for each other through a lot of major life events.   This person and her family also played a large role in my coming to the knowledge that God loved me and wanted me to follow Him. 

We did not have a falling out.  We aren’t in a fight.  We’ve drifted apart a little bit at a time and now I’m only able to surmise that some big life conflicts and challenges  that have come into her life, have her in a place where she is unwilling to respond to all attempts I have made to reach out. 

So why am I sharing this instead of privately crying in a corner?  Well, through the pain and rejection that I have felt I’ve begun to identify with someone.  Multiple my pain and rejection by more than a million and that is the way God feels when we turn our back on Him.  “But He’s the God of the whole universe, why should it matter if I spend my time doing other things? “ you might say. To answer this question: Wrong it does matter!  God sent His own son to earth so that we could identify with Him on a deeply human level.  He wants the relationship.  He desires the friendship with us..  When we don’t make anytime for it, God feels the rejection.  It grieves Him.  It hurts Him. 

Part of me wants to cross my arms and turn my back on my friend for good.  I’ve been reaching out and trying and she hasn’t.  But I will not do that. Because thankfully God does not do that with me.  He is patient and forgiving.  He doesn’t let go of me even when I’m not holding on to Him.  So I’ve promised myself that I will always be here for her.  Whenever she is ready and even if she is not.  I’ve written her and told her this.  I haven’t heard anything, but I’m hoping and praying and believing that someday I will.

If you’re reading this A. :  I love you.  Nothing will ever change that, and I’m here.