Well tonight marks two years ago that I began the painful
journey towards meeting my sweet T. : ) As I was dropping M. off at school I passed the
restaurant where Ricardo and I ate lunch exactly two years ago and the memories
came flooding back. So here’s a
few snippets of that story I don’t think I’ve shared before, or if I did I can’t
remember.
T. is our number 3.
J. was number one and delivered while I was blissfully drugged up with
an epidural. I had bad
complications from said epidural and promised I’d never do it again. So M. was a drug free labor and
delivery. He came fast and
furious, but I had never gone through the whole thing without drugs so
beforehand I was blissfully unaware of the pain I would endure. Fast forward 2 years and I was planning
another drug free birth, only this time I knew what was going to happen and
what it would be like. I was
scared. Ignorance is bliss they do
say and this time I was not ignorant!
In the weeks leading up to her birth I remember feeling a looming
sense of dread. I was ready to be
done with pregnancy, but wanted to skip over the birth part of it. Every time I would have contractions
(which was often as I am a big contractor for weeks before my babies are born)
I would pray that it was not time yet!
I remember feeling so relieved every time they would peter out.
They day before T. was born I had a midwife appointment and I
literally poured my heart out to her telling her that I just felt like I wasn’t
ready and I didn’t want to go through it.
She listened and said, “You just have to let go and let her come.” On the ride to the aforementioned
restaurant, Ricardo and I chatted about this. I was typically hormonal, crying about how our life was
about to change and how all I knew was boys and that made me comfortable and
how would it be with a girl?….etc.
But I ended my tear fest by repeating the midwife’s words, “I know. I
know. I just have to let go.”
I don’t know if that triggered some sort of release, but
later that night the contractions began and twelve hours later T. made her
entrance into the world.
So here’s my little practical application that connects to
T. birth: Life isn’t always
easy. Sometimes we have to go
through stuff. We have to do
things that make us uncomfortable, especially for God. Instead of holding back and being fearful, we need to let go
and let God take us through the rough spot, help us to do something difficult,
whatever it is. Don’t hold
back. He is with you.
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1Peter 5:7
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