There Was Another J.

I really believe God is working out a situation in our lives.  I believe He is going to come through.  But I’ve been remembering lately about a time in our lives not long ago when we felt sure He was going to do something, and He did not. 

Three years ago Ricardo and I, along with J. and M. served at Royal Family Kids Camp (as we did every year).  As I’ve mentioned before, this camp serves children from NYC’s foster care system.  Probably in part due to our experience at this camp, Ricardo and I have always said someday we’d like to adopt.  We expected this would happen down the line in our lives.  Never in a million years did we expect that summer to meet and fall in love with the most amazing ten-year old girl.  She touched both of us so much and we didn’t even know at first that the other one had experienced the same thing.

When we returned from camp we decided we would pray about whether or not we should adopt her.  Truthfully we didn’t even know if this was possible.   Most of the children who come to camp are only in foster care temporarily and are on their way back to their biological families.  Some of them are in the system, but live with relatives.  Still, we decided to inquire.

We were completely shocked to find out that our girl J. was legally emancipated from her mother and was up for adoption.  Furthermore there had been some conflict with her foster mom and although she had plans to adopt J, J. had expressed sentiments that her foster mom did not want her.  We felt this was God’s plan, His will that she was meant to be ours.  We were excited and emotional and we began to take the necessary steps to initiate the adoption process. 

For months we didn’t know what was happening, but we still believed somehow God was going to make it all come together.  At one point it seemed J.’s foster mom was going to adopt her after all, then it was stalled in the courts.  They attended counseling.  More months passed and we still didn’t know what the results would be, but again we really felt this was of God so we just trusted He would work it out.  Finally one Sunday almost a year after we first met J., we received the news that the adoption with her foster mom was going to go through.  I was devastated.  I wept.  I didn’t understand why God had allowed things to go the way they did.  I had been certain He was planning to make her part of our family. 

The only thing that made me feel better was to give it to God.  I told Him I didn’t understand.  I told Him I was upset because I was sure this was from Him.  I also told Him that no matter what, I trusted Him even when things didn’t make sense.  As time went on I began to hurt a little less.  A year later I welcomed my daughter into the world and that helped ease some of the loss I had felt.  And the longer I live and look back on it I am able to see little reasons for why it was not meant to be for us.  I truly believe that when you put your trust in God, even the things that don’t make sense at first begin to have at least a little clarity about them with the passage of time.  It’s impossible not to see the way He weaves things together if your eyes are set on seeing it.  Even when we believe in faith God is going to answer in one way, and He answers in another, He is still good.

I really hope someday we will adopt a child who needs our love.  I believe we have that love to give and it burdens me greatly to think about kids who don’t have a family to call their own.  Someday….

Making Sense

I’m not sure if this has ever happened to any of you, but right now Ricardo and I have been praying about something that if it actually comes to fruition will make my entire life make sense up to this point.  I honestly don’t know if that’s even supposed to happen, but I’ve spent a lot of time wondering about certain skills and traits that I have, coupled with those of my husband, as well as a love for the world, and an ultimate love for Jesus and a burning desire to serve him more; and how that would all come together to make sense someday.  After years and years of this I believe with my heart that it may someday soon come to fruition.  It’s not like I don’t believe God has us where He wants us right now.  I feel at the moment we are where we need to be.  But there is just so much more on our hearts to do that we have hoped for a long time.

So with that said, and while I know I am being very vague, what does one do when one feels that have found a true purpose for their life that incorporates every talent and gift that God has given them?  Well…for me at least I am just praying about it, and believing that it’s from Him and that in time He’ll make it happen.  That’s what having faith is right?  Believing in something before you see the results, not after the fact.  There are stories of this all throughout the bible.   Abraham had to take his son up to an altar with the purpose to sacrifice his life even though it didn’t make sense, because he had faith that God would still fulfill the promise He had made to him.  Noah had to build the ark before the flood began.  Joshua marched around a wall for a week before the walls came crashing down.  There are many, many more stories like these all throughout the bible.  What did it feel like to stand firm and believe God to do something before the results were seen?  Did any of them ever doubt that God would come through? 

That’s where I am right now.  The desired outcome to our prayers seems so far fetched if not impossible.  Maybe that’s why it’s taken us so long to actually begin asking God to do it.  But if we don’t have the faith to believe that He can, then certainly God never will.  And then what if we’re wrong?  What if it never happens?  Does that mean my life no longer makes sense?  I don’t even have an answer to that right now.  My heart just won’t let me go there.  Maybe that’s the way the people of faith in the bible felt.   Eventually the outcome proved the faith they had.  I’m hoping the same will be true for us.

A New Direction

I'm debating about the direction of my blog.  I feel like I've written about a lot of important topics and shared personal reflections about God and how He works in my life.  I want to keep doing that, but I also feel like some of my favorite blogs are ones where people share pictures and actually update people about themselves.

I've read about and been really inspired by the lives of perfect strangers.  Of course their lives seem so much more exciting than mine.  Maybe that's part of my hesitation.  I would love to be doing something really amazing for God.  I would love to be in some far off land sharing pictures of our adventures.  But I'm not.  I'm here in the same place I've been for the last decade.  I'm plugging away, praying to be a light to those around me, and to love everyone I come in contact with.  Is that really of interest to anyone?

I really want to keep writing, readers or not.  I'm pondering the next step for this blog.  I'm just unsure about putting our life out there into cyber land.  I suppose the first person I should discuss this with is my husband.  So before I make a decision I will go and do that.  In the mean time stay tuned for what might come next...

Pray for Japan!

As I described in my last blog post, I've been in love with Japan for the last seven years.  The last few months have stirred something in Ricardo and I that have us focused on Japan more than ever before.  We've read some really great blogs by Christians living there and working for the Lord.  We've watched amazing testimonies and seen a lot of powerful footage from last year's disaster.  I want to share some of it here.  Hopefully anyone reading and watching will be stirred in their heart to pray for this amazing country just as we have.



This first video is designed to teach children about the earthquake and tsunami.  It also describes for them how they can pray for the children of Japan.  I really love it and my kids do too!

This is footage that was taken right as the tsunami was approaching.  It's really hard to watch, but it gives you a very raw picture of what people were going through.

  

A powerful photo that really moved me:

The amazing thing is that so much hard work is being done to help those who were affected by the disaster.  The people working there are bringing relief in many tangible ways.  But most importantly the are sharing the love of God through Jesus Christ.  Here is a video about some of the work being done by an amazing organization, Samaritan's Purse:

I imagine many Japanese people and many people in general have wondered why God allowed such a disaster to take place.  There are no easy answers.  What I do know is that God loves Japan.  He loves the Japanese people.  Less than 1% of Japan know the love of Jesus Christ.  That makes them the second largest unreached people group in the world.  But now more than ever before the fields are ripe for a harvest that I believe has already begun there.  I really love this quote:

“Perhaps in these days there are more prayers being prayed for Japan throughout the world than at any time in the history of the world.  What purposes could God have both in this tragedy and in the active response of the Church of Jesus Christ?…May the prayers of Christians around the world be used not only to bring the comfort of Christ to Japan but also as a prayer tsunami to break the powerful dams of the hearts of the Japanese.” [Dan Iverson, Mission to the World]


Please take some time to pray alongside us for Japan and all the people who are working there for the Lord!


Here's the link to one of the best resources for all things Japan I have come across.  I found all of the things I posted here on there.  It's really incredible!

http://calledtojapan.wordpress.com/

I love Japan!

Seven years ago Ricardo and I went to Japan with a singing group from our church.  Ricardo helped with the sound while we were there and I tagged along.  I never had a desire to go there, but I was glad to be able to go with Ricardo and see a new place.  Much to my surprise I fell in love with the country.  I loved everything about it: the food, the vibe, the culture, but most of all I fell in love with the people.  We've always longed to go back.  Ricardo actually got a chance to a few years later, but by that time I had J. so he went on his own.  Maybe someday God will send us there again, hopefully for longer than the last time!  Here are a few pictures from our trip in 2005.

This was our welcome from a group of Christians affiliated with the church pastored by our host for the trip.

I loved, loved, loved Japanese food!

These school children were on a field trip and when they heard I was an American school teacher they wanted a picture.

Here's  a picture of a rehearsal for one of our concerts:

We met this amazing couple at one of our concerts and they offered to take us around Kobe the next day.  So much fun!

Ricardo and I.  We had just celebrated one year of marriage!

We took this from our hotel room of the crowds lining up for our concert in Tokyo

I pray we get to go back someday soon!  Next blog entry I plan to share some links to some really amazing/powerful videos about what God has been doing in Japan, especially in light of last year's earthquake and tsunami.

Odds Are Against Us

So lately God has been teaching me a big trust lesson. There is nothing I find harder to do than trust that God is going to do something that seems impossible or highly unlikely. He's been accomplishing this objective in an interesting way. He's taken some "for sure" and "strong probability" of happening situations in my life, stripped out the things that gave them such a strong likelihood of occurring and made them now in the natural "highly unlikely" to happen.

 One of them I've written about a bit already and that has to do with M.getting into J.'s school for this fall. Initially due to sibling policies I thought we had this one in the bag. Except that policy changed in March and now we are one of 400 applicants vying for only 18 spots. Doesn't look to good for us does it?

 The other has to do with a position I've applied for. Now normally the position is ridiculously hard to get. It's been said over 750 applicants apply for each spot. But I have some unusual credentials for this position that put odds much more in my favor. That and I have a very snobbish tendency (really working on this) to get confident in the degree I have in my field from a "fancy" school and think that gives me an even better edge. A challenge to secure this position? Yes, but odds leaning slightly more in my favor than away. Except the catch. I didn't find the position or apply for it until 4 days after the application deadline. So now supposedly I'm totally out of the running. Probably not going to happen.

 Normally this would freak me out. But thankfully I've been embracing the lesson I'm learning. I've found I'm not so unlike David who in one instance similarly trusted in numbers instead of in God.

 "But when it was all done, David was overwhelmed with guilt because he had counted the people, replacing trust with statistics. And David prayed to God, "I have sinned badly in what I have just done. But now God forgive my guilt—I've been really stupid." (2 Samuel 24:10 MSG)

 In my own life God has been taking these situations that I would normally assume I had a good shot at being successful in and made them so unlikely to happen that if they do I'll KNOW that it's God and not probability. I really believe He's going to come through somehow in both these instances. If He doesn't, then I'll know He has something else planned. Either way I'm victorious because I'm trusting Him and He's paving the way!