J.'s Angry Birds Obsession

J. recently began to love the game Angry Birds just a little bit too much for our comfort level.  Those of you who are my Facebook friends, you have seen my status updates!  He was only allowed to play on the weekends, but during the week it became all that he talked about.  He strategized moves, discussed the roles of the various birds, and even drew depictions of the different levels on his dry erase easel.  As a former teacher, I have always been very wary of video games as I have seen them sap the creativity out of my students.  However, I do believe all things can be good in moderation, so we downloaded the game. He was thrilled!  Over the last two weeks he has played it every chance he was allowed to.  Unfortunately the obsession we saw that he had to play it, coupled with some instances of bad behavior led us to delete the game today.

The hysterics that ensued were both a little comical and sad to watch.  At first he started crying just a little, but as the reality set in that the game was not just on temporary sabbatical but gone for good, he began to wail.  Wailing was followed by begging, and after begging the threats ensued.  He told us, "I will never do anything else ever again!", then "You're hurting my heart!" and finally,  "I am never doing anything for YOU ever again!" More sobbing followed when there was no promise of his game being returned.

Watching J. deal with the loss of his beloved game began to remind me of how we can respond sometimes when God either removes something from our lives that is not good, or presses us to give it up ourselves.  After all He is our father and we are His children.  If He determines that something is unhealthy for us or that we are headed down the wrong path, it shouldn't surprise us when He disciplines us.  He does that out of love.  But just like my sweet J., we don't always see it that way; at least not at first.  Sometimes we respond to God's discipline by kicking and screaming.  But when we look back in retrospect, we can see why He stepped in when He did.

 I like the way this version of the bible describes how God disciplines His children: 

 "So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline, but don't be crushed by it either. It's the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God." (Hebrews 12:5-11 THE MESSAGE)

 I hope someday J. will understand that we took the game away from him because we love him.  While his happiness is important to us, it is not the only thing we are striving for in raising him. We hope to teach him qualities of good character, patience, compassion, and submission, among other things.  God loves us even more and our happiness is not His main objective.  His main objective is to transform us into His likeness.  And He does this sometimes by taking things away.  Jesus says, "...and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit." (John 15:2 NASB). Pruning means cutting off and taking away, so that a plant can grow healthily.  We are just like plants.  We need to let Him prune us so that we can grow strong in our faith and develop all the qualities in ourselves that we see in Him.      

I Owe You My Life

Extricated from a burning car by a passerby, the grateful woman gazed thankfully at her rescuer.   "Thank you! she breathed.  How can I ever repay you?  I owe you my life!". This statement is repeated often in life or death scenarios.  If our life has ever been saved by someone we have a feeling of indebtedness towards that person. In the fairy tale Rumplestiltskin, the miller's daughter is trapped in a tower room unable to spin straw into gold.  When offered the promise of a solution to her problem, she promises not her own life, but the life of her first born child; an offering far more sacrificial.

 Why does this statement impact me so much right now?  It's not the statement so much as it is the concept.  If someone saves me from something, I will feel a sense that I owe them something.  If my life is saved, my life is owed; not as a rule, but it's a burden I will just feel from my grateful heart.

 And so it is with God.  He has in fact saved my life.  He's probably done so in ways unbeknownst to me many times.  But I know for certain He has saved my soul.  If we plan to spend eternity with Him in heaven we need to know that we aren't going there of our own accord.  "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." (Ephesians 2:8 NIV84). If this simple act of mercy has saved me for all time, shouldn't I offer him something in return?  He doesn't really ask me to, but after receiving such an incredible gift I want to give him something.  It's only right.  So I am in debt to Him. "Thank you God for saving me.  I owe you my life.".  My life is His, not my own to do with as I please.   Whatever He desires to do with it from here on out is up to Him.

 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen". (Ephesians 3:20, 21 NIV84)

Dealing with Jealousy

A high school friend of mine just left two days ago for a sixteen-month around the world honeymoon trip with his new wife of ten months.  They've planned it for a long time and are tweeting their way through the journey with pictures and updates.  To say I think this trip is awesome would be an understatement!  I would have loved to have done something like that when R. and I were first married.  I'm really happy for this friend and his wife, but to be completely transparent...I'm jealous.  Every time they send a new update with a cute picture of the two of them on this amazing journey I get even more envious that I am not in their position.  When R. and I had been married for ten months we had just found out we were expecting J. and if you read my http://tilmyheartlookslikeyours.blogspot.com/2012/01/reflections-on-being-home-bound.html entry you'll understand that this was not an easy adjustment for me.  My life is so far from a romantic honeymoon trip at this point that the notion of it makes me green.  To be frank, at this point I'd be excited for a few days away with my husband, let alone a sixteen-month adventure!  

So how does one deal with what one cannot have?  It could be a job, a home, a quality of life thing, anything really.  And we've all been there.  What do we do when feelings of jealousy creep into our lives? We can pretend we're not really jealous.  I've done that plenty of times.  But that's not really dealing with it.

Not surprisingly I guess, I was reading in Numbers today and God put His supernatural finger on the jealously that I've been harboring.  In Numbers 11 the Israelites begin to complain that they had a better life back in Egypt.  As an outsider to this, it seems quite ridiculous that they would be wishing for that part of their life to return.  After all they were slaves.  They were worked very hard, and if we flip back to those pages we see that they were miserable.  And then God delivered them and provided them with direction and manna, which essentially was all the food they would ever need.  Yet instead of being grateful for all that God had done for them, they began to complain about the manna.  "The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost- also the cucumbers, belongs, leeks, onions, and garlic.  But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" (Numbers 11:4-6 NIV84)  Unbelievable right?

Not really.  The above scriptures describe us all.  If we look all around us we can see God's hand of blessing in our life.  It doesn't matter how much or how little we have.  He has provided.  He has given to us abundantly.  If we stop comparing ourselves to others we can see it quite plainly.  He has been very good to us. 

We can either choose to go after what we don’t have, or we can choose to be content with what He has given us.  But lest we think that gaining what we’ve gone after will make us happy, let’s look at our friends the Israelites again.  God was speaking to Moses and said,  “Tell the people: ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat.  The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat!  We were better off in Egypt!”  Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it.  You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days.  But for a whole month- until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it- because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?” ’ ” (Numbers 11:18-20 NIV84).  So essentially God gave them exactly what they were asking for; or better, He gave them over to what they wanted.  The result was not satisfaction in gaining what they desired.  In the end they would keep wishing for something else.  And this infuriated God. 

If I think about this in terms of my role as a mother, there is nothing that upsets me more than when my children do not act gratefully when they receive something.  If I give them a gift they have long asked me for and upon receiving it, play with it for a minute, and then toss it to the side and ask for something else, this angers me (and this has happened!).  I think to myself, “Why can’t they just be grateful for this gift?  Why can’t they see what a sacrifice it was for me to buy it for them and just appreciate it, instead of wanting more?”

Yet the truth is that I am no different.  I’ve had many moments like the Israelites where I am ashamed to say I have wish I could just go my own way and go after what I want.  Why waste so much time pursuing God’s will?  Living my own life will get me what I want.  But the reality is, that this is no way to go.  God sees ahead for us and around every corner of our life.  When we are able to rest in knowing that he has His plans laid out for us and that they are good, we can find the peace and contentment that we will never discover if we chase after things for ourselves.  Yes, it means that often we will not get to do or have some of the things we want. But in the end God will help to shape our desires as well and the end result will be one simple want: a desire for more of Him.  I can only imagine how thrilled I would be to not only hear a “Thank you” from one of my children when I give them something special, but also something like, “Mommy, I love this toy, but I love you more.  What would make me most happy is just to be with you Mom.”  I think I would fall over will joy.  God is our father and He wants us to want Him more than anything He could ever give us in this world.  After all, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.  ‘Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness, and the anxieties of this life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap.’” (Luke 21:33-34 NIV84)  In the end He is all that we have so it only makes sense that He should be all that we want.

Big Questions Part 2

I am certain one of the biggest roadblocks to many people becoming Christians is a misconception about what being a Christian is.  I’m going to focus on two of these misconceptions.

The first misconception is that being a Christian means belonging to a church.   I’ve had friends worry that making a decision to follow Christ would mean having to attend a certain church or follow a set of rules.  This is highly inaccurate.  They’ve asked me, “Do I have to go to church to become a Christian?" Becoming a Christian is actually quite simple.  It means believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, that He was sent to redeem us from all the mistakes we have made or will ever make, and that by believing in Him we will be made right by God.  It also means acknowledging our own personal mistakes and our own need of God and accepting the free gift that God has given us in Christ.  The changes He will affect in us after accepting that gift will come as we allow Him to work in us, but attending church is not a requirement to become a Christian.  Being around others who have also made this determination is something we will desire to do to gain insight into understanding Him better, but I believe there will certainly be people in heaven who have never done this.  Look at the thief on the cross.  Jesus promised Him that he would be with Christ in heaven, yet he never attended a meeting where Jesus taught or was baptized (as many wrongly assume you need to do in order to be right with God).  Likewise there are parts of the world where it is dangerous to meet together in the name of Christ.  People either do so in secret or they are unable to meet at all.  Certainly God does not fault them for this.  The sheer fact that there are believers around the world who don’t have the freedom to meet publicly should inspire us to meet ourselves, but we shouldn’t look at church as a requirement.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m not suggesting that being part of a church is not a positive thing.  The bible is clear that we should gather, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another…” (Hebrews 10:25 NIV84)  However, attending church is not a requirement for our salvation and hopefully not a hindrance in forming a relationship with Jesus.  Being a Christian is just that, a relationship with Christ and a desire for Him to shape our lives to be more like His.

 The second misconception has to do with a belief that becoming a Christian means aligning yourself with many people who have done horrible things in the name of Christianity.  Why would they want to be part of something like that?  This becomes a huge roadblock.  I recently read an amazing article on this.  Instead of attempting my own take on this, I’m going to link the article itself.  It is definitely worth the read.

http://www.skepticalchristian.com/evilchristianity.htm

Lastly, to those of us who have already made the decision to follow Christ, we need to consider how the previously mentioned roadblock applies to ourselves.  We might not be Hitler or killed people in the name of Jesus, but how we live our lives is a picture to many of what being a Christian is.  Whether or not we do a good job representing Him can impact others decision to follow Him or not.  This verse really struck me when I read it this morning, “As it is written: “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”” (Romans 2:24 NIV84)  Essentially this was referring to the way the Jewish people, who had God’s law of right and wrong, were living their lives.  Instead of preaching the laws and following them, they were preaching them with their mouths and then not acting in accordance with what they were saying.  In so doing they were making a mockery of God and the Gentiles who watched this, chose also to mock God.  But we know that while this verse in context was referring specifically to the Jewish people of that time, it is really meant for all of us who believe.  If we profess to be a follower of Christ and then act in ways that do not reflect Him, we become a mockery to those watching us, and so does He.  We need to ask God to guide our actions and to refine our hearts so that when people look at us they are drawn to Christ, and not turned off.

Reflections on Being Home Bound

I get stir crazy very easily.  A day spent at home entirely in our apartment is enough to drive me batty.  Go figure that our household is now on day 16 of probably the worst sickness we've ever had.  I'm missing normalcy quite a bit. I'm a little down that another Sunday will likely pass and I won't be at church, no play dates with friends, a canceled birthday party, and a lot of time lying around.  So if from the confines of our quarantined apartment I can write something that might be encouraging to even just one person, I would be very pleased right now.

 I'm currently sitting on our bed typing on my IPad with one finger while softly patting the back of a very feverish 10 month old little girl who is lying next to me.  I probably haven't had more than a few hours of sleep in the past 16 nights and likely can't kick this illness for myself due to that fact.  I am going to be very transparent here and talk about how I've spent a great deal of time as a wife and mother mourning the life I had before I took on these roles.  Interestingly enough I have always longed to be both, but quickly found a lot of "grass is always greener on the other side" moments to second guess my decision.  Never did I resent being a wife and mother more than when I was sick and sleep deprived. Hence why I have chosen now to discuss these topics.  Why put myself out there about this?  Well I would venture to guess many of us have been there at one time or another and might be able to relate.

 For me when J. Was born 6 years ago I had a bit of a crisis in the realization that life would never be the same.  "My life is over!", I said to myself which can be translated in first time mom talk for, "I'm feeling very overwhelmed!".  I became resentful of every hour of lost sleep and every minute of time that was once allotted for myself, now being poured into my new baby.  Every month that went by I learned to adapt and adjust, but I honestly can't say that I loved it or that my attitude changed as a whole. I'm really sad to say that this attitude of mine went on through the birth of all three of my kids.  I'm not saying that I haven't had a lot of amazing and wonderful moments and I've certainly learned a lot about being a wife and a mother.   There have been many joys.  However a few months ago I began to realize that because of my attitude I was missing out on some very important things.  Forgive me, as I am certain that there are many of you who have long understood my recent revelations, but they have been new for me so I'm going to share them.

 First, God began to remind me that this life is not meant to be easy.  Challenges and trials are supposed to be part of our walk on this earth.  We are meant to take them to Him and gain our strength from Him.  "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10 NIV84). I actually really like this version, "Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size-abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." (2 Corinthians 12:10 MSG). So  I missed a lot of sleepless night opportunities to take my exhaustion to Him and gain His strength.

 Second, I started to realize how being a mother and a wife are each unique opportunities to understand God's love for us better.  He loves us selflessly, not because of what we have done for Him.  As a wife and mom I get daily opportunities to love my family in the same way.

 Lastly and I think most importantly for me, God has helped show me that the purpose of my life is not all about me.  Having children is helping me understand this.  Before getting married and having my kids I could do what I wanted, make my own decisions, focus on myself.  But married or single, with children or without, we shouldn't have this attitude.  The bible says "You are not your own.  You were bought at a price." (1Corinthians 6:19b, 20a NIV84). My focus shouldn't be when am I going to get more time for myself.  It should be on serving Him in any way He wants me to.  For me this starts at home.  It means not getting sleep for 16 days because someone needed me to rock them or give them medicine.  It means getting up even when I'm sick and driving J. to school and making his birthday cupcakes.  It means coming home and making R. breakfast even though I want to fall over exhausted because he was up all night too and he needs nourishment to get him through the day.  It means a lot of sacrificing.  And that is how God perfectly designed it.  He did it so we would understand the love He has for us.  After all no sacrifice we will ever make can compare to the one He made for us on the cross.

 With this new perspective I have found two of the most amazing things even in exhaustion and sickness.  One is called Joy.  The other is called Peace.  And you know what?  I wouldn't trade these two things for all the "me" time in the whole world.

Pain

I think it's safe to say we have all suffered through some sort of pain in our lives.  We may have suffered physical pain or the pain of some sort of heartache or both.  I've written already about the pain of childbirth, but because that is the greatest pain I have endured to this point, I'm going to write about it again.  I've actually never dealt with any chronic long term pain issues and I realize that I may lack perspective when it comes to enduring this kind of pain.  An amazing perspective on this can be found in an awesome blog entry by a good friend of mine. http://stillonthewheel.blogspot.com/2012/01/healer.html

It is said that every mother who experiences a natural birth hits a wall of sorts when she believes and usually articulates in some way that she cannot go on.  This usually occurs right as she is nearing the end of her labor and if she presses on she will shortly be holding her baby in her arms.  As I've said, my youngest 2 children were both born without taking any kind of pain medication.  While I endured intense pain bringing both of them into the world, each experience was extremely different.

  When I went into labor with M. I woke up at 5 am with a contraction.  By 7:30 things got pretty intense and my mom took one look at me and said we better hurry to the hospital.  Thankfully my midwife lived in our neighborhood and we were able to pick her up and give her a ride to the hospital.  The drive was so wild.  I was having contractions every 2 minutes.  My midwife calmly reassured me that all was well, but I sure didn't feel that way.  At one point I even shouted at R. to run over the kids in the crosswalk because we needed to be at the hospital NOW!  Thankfully he didn't listen to me! ; )Very shortly after arriving at the hospital and checking in I remember reaching my " wall" moment.  I announced to R. that I absolutely could not go on with this.  He reassured me that in fact I was doing it.  In my head I remembered what I had read and prayed that I was almost finished.  God answered me and M. was born maybe no more than twenty minutes later.  What joy and relief!

 Two and a half years later as I waited to give birth to T. I worried endlessly that she would come even faster.  Start to finish my labor with M. Was only 5 1/2 hours.  This time I thought surely it would be 3 hours or less.  I made ten different contingency plans for getting to our birthing center in lightening speed.  My midwife reminded me that each birth was different and not to expect things to necessarily follow suit the way I thought they would.  I listened and nodded but in my head I admit I brushed her off.  When the night came and the labor started we made our way the birth center quickly and I fully expected T. would show up shortly thereafter.  Well I was very wrong!  Hours and hours of pain fully as intense as what I experienced with M. wracked my body.  Finally my "wall" moment occurred.  I begged my midwife and R. to just take me to the hospital for some pain relief.  I announced over and over that I couldn't do it.  Maybe last time, but not this time.  I prayed God would end the pain quickly and that T. would be born.  This time just as the last time God answered me, but in a way different than I was expecting.  Instead of ending my pain shortly thereafter, He gave me needed strength to endure it for five more hours.

 The lesson I have learned through these experiences is this:  When you are suffering through any situation and ask God to take away the pain you are experiencing, He will always answer.  He will do one of two things.  He will either relieve your pain and suffering swiftly or He will give you the strength to endure it longer. Most mothers will confirm an amazing thing that happens shortly after having a baby (assuming there was no out of the ordinary trauma). At first the memory of the pain endured is strong.  You can actually remember how bad it felt.  However, slowly as the days pass your memory of the pain and intensity wain.  Eventually while you can remember that it was hard, the memories that truly stick with you are the joyful ones of seeing your baby for the first time.   I believe that's due to the grace of God.  He says "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12, 13 NIV84)  I think this can be taken to mean when we suffer physical pain, persecution, or any difficult trial.

 Our greatest joy should come in knowing that someday when we see His face we will never have to experience pain ever again.  In the meantime we will experience seasons of suffering.  Thankfully our God is merciful and will come when we call on His name.

Big Questions Part 1

How can a loving God let bad things happen to innocent people (I.e.children)?  This a big question and one that I believe keeps many people from putting their faith and trust in Him.  They just cannot resolve this question for themselves.  I've been thinking about this question lately and doing some research for a project I am working on that has drawn me to try and tackle it.

 First and foremost I think it's inherently important to understand that when God created us He gave us free will. We have the ability in ourselves to make decisions.  We can choose to do right or we can choose to do wrong.  Why did God give us this ability?  Why not just make people always choose to do the right thing?  Because if He did this then He would have a planet full of robots.  God created people in order to be able to have a genuine relationship with them.  He had to give us free will so that we could choose to have that relationship with Him or decide not to.

 So with the ability to choose to do the right thing, maybe a question we need to be asking ourselves along with the title of this entry is: Why do PEOPLE do bad things to innocent people ( i.e. children)?  As I mentioned I've been working on a project and in so doing have been reading about the practice of infanticide in the ancient world.  Infanticide was the common practice of drowning or abandoning to the elements, a baby who either by their female gender or by some deformity, was deemed unacceptable by the family or community.  Apparently to my ignorance and quite frankly horror, this happened ALL the time in the ancient world and was perfectly acceptable.  As a mother I just cannot wrap my mind around this.  How could a mother lay eyes on her child and then think nothing to lay her tiny baby out on a cold road to die?  Did the baby's cries not pierce her?  But they did this frequently. 

The Old Testament is actually chalk full of Godless people doing all sorts of awful things.  Many people look at Old Testament scriptures as examples of a cruel God raining down anger and punishment.  But the actuality of His anger was due in cause to the actions of people who were making really evil choices.  Here are just some examples that are referenced in the bible, "Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God‑haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless." (Romans 1:28-31 NIV84)

 Interestingly enough in regards to the practice of infanticide, the one culture in the ancient world that actually abhorred it were the Jews.  Why?  Because God had given them laws, rules to help them determine what was right and what was wrong.  He chose them to receive His laws as well as the knowledge of the consequences for not following them.  Eventually this manual of sorts was spread far and wide, and with the spread of Christianity, the bible has helped form our moral code.  In present day Judeo-Christian nations the practice of infanticide is no longer, while it is still practiced in other parts of the world. 

 Why is this illustration important?  We are born with an innate sense of right and wrong.  We could choose to do right, but inevitably we all choose at some point to do wrong.   Clearly those of you reading this would never kill a baby, but where is the right and wrong line drawn?  Where does your wrongdoing go from baby killer bad to somewhat acceptable?  The fact is: sin is sin no matter how small.  God is the only one who determines what is considered wrong and he has done so very specifically.  So if God intervened every time a person makes a choice to do something horrific, then He would need to intervene for even the tiniest transgression.  And that brings us back to the problem of us not being robots and Him giving us free will.  If He stopped us every time we were about to do something wrong then we would never actually be choosing to do anything out of free will.

 The problem therefore is not God.  He is good and perfect.  The problem is us.  The bible says, "All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one...All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God... (Romans 3:12,23 NIV84). Not just those who kill babies.  All of us.  So where does that leave us?  If God is not to blame and we are, then what do we do?   We keep reading that verse:  "...and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished– (Romans 3:24, 25 NIV84). There in God solves the problem of sin.  

 Does that make it easy to read stories about horrible things happening to those who don't deserve it?  No it doesn't.  But someday He will make things right.  He will come back and wipe out all the evil in the world.  In the meantime He is waiting to do so. Why?  He is waiting because He wants to save as many as He can.  We clearly can't be right before Him based on our own choices.  But we can if we do so through His Son.

For Laughs Volume 1

I've been writing about some pretty heavy topics lately.  Today I thought I'd keep things light.  In response to my friend's Facebook page being hacked and subsequently wiped out, I began to think about how upset I would be if I lost all the funny posts I have made about my kids.  So I decided to compile them and post them here for safe keeping.  A little background on my kids in case you don't know me personally.  J. is my oldest and will be turning 6 years old tomorrow!  M. is my middle zany child and he is 3.  T. is the baby and she is 9 1/2 months.  Here they are:

1/9/12

At breakfast this morning, J.: Look M., T. is clapping! M: Yep...just like a walrus in the ocean.... He then proceeded to sing a self made song about vacuums... ?

1/8/12

So I thought M. had figured out how to use the Netflix instant view on our Blu Ray player because he is able to get shows on for himself. However I watched him do it just now and he just puts his fingers on all the buttons at once, presses them, and hopes for the best. Seems to be working for him though...

1/2/12

Reading to the kids tonight about John the Baptist. We were trying to get some major points across like how John was telling the people to repent and how he baptized Jesus. After much discussion on our part J. says: "Ewww that's so gross he ate locusts!" and M. says "His clothes look like poop.". We clearly have more teaching to do! : )

12/24/11

M. has decided to add the word "period" to the end of his sentences. Like he'll say "J. I am not listening to you! Period!" or "That's what I am saying Mommy! Period!" It's at the end of every statement he makes.

12/18/11

With all people, but especially with 3 year olds it's important to remember to pick your battles! (with M. who is riding in the stroller for the 3 foot walk to the car)

12/6/11

Me: M. let's get dressed. M.: Noooo! Mommy, boys don't get dressed. Girls get dressed. Boys get clothesed! 

5 minutes later...

Me: M. please stop spinning so we can put your shirt on. M: I can't! I can't! I'm a dizzy octopus!

...And the day has just begun!

12/5/11

I guess it should be no surprise to anyone that M. will eat arugula like it's candy.

11/13/11

M. just spent the last hour begging me to let him sleep tonight in the bath tub.

11/4/11

It's not even 9:30 and so far M. has (with a back pack over his pajamas and shoes on mismatched feet) announced that he is "going to Mars!", clinked his toy vacuum with my real one and shouted, "Cheers!", and hidden 3 open containers of play doh.

11/2/11

A lot of material for today! This afternoon as we were getting ready to get J. from school I hear M. in the refrigerator (as usual). Me: M. are you in the refrigerator? No response from him, just the door slamming shut. He walks into the living room with his cheeks stuffed full of something. Me: M. what are you eating? Not even opening his mouth, M.: Nuffin! Me: M. open your mouth. M. opens his mouth and I expect to see some candy or a cookie or something. Instead his mouth is full of broccoli!

Me: M. tomorrow you are going with your class on a trip to the farm. What do you think you will see there? M: I don't know (his answer for every question) Me: Well you will see pigs...chickens...sheep...horses... rabbits...baby chicks...cows... M: and elephants!

11/1/11

M: Mommy where did you put all the candy? Me: I hid it. M: (in a whiny voice) Why? Me: Because last night after you were supposed to be in bed, I caught you trying to take some. M: I wasn't going to eat it! I was moving it to the back of the counter! Me: Sure you were. M: Mommy please tell me where you put the candy. Me: Sigh...

10/26/11

To all my Trini Facebook friends- M. looking very discouraged at his dinner plate of meatballs and tortellini "But Mommy, I wanted channa! Where's the channa?" (Channa, eaten in Trinidad where my husband is from, more commonly know here as Chick Peas)

10/22/11

M. likes to take things and hide them. It could be the silliest little thing, but he hoards little items and puts them in every kind of bag, nook, and cranny imaginable. Unfortunately for me that included my wedding ring for over 2 months until he "found" it and currently my house keys. When you ask him where it is he says "I can't find it" and no amount of threat or promise will bring forth what you are looking for until he is ready to give it to you!

10/17/11

Today's revelation: Kids will eat anything as long as it is served between a hot dog bun. For example, turkey meatloaf is not tolerated...but slap it between a hot dog bun and it is acceptable for consumption. I might have to try this with brussel sprouts!

10/12/11

I wasn't planning on deep cleaning our refrigerator today but since M. decided to empty a half a gallon of milk inside of it, I had no other choice!

10/9/11

Today M. put the toilet plunger over the sink faucet while he was in the bathroom doing his business. I didn't realize he also turned the faucet on full blast until I pulled the plunger off of it... You get the picture!

10/4/11

Apparently brothers can steal even imaginary cupcakes.

10/1/11

I came out of the bedroom after putting T. down for her nap and caught M. digging in the refrigerator. Instead of doing what most people might do trying to not get caught by slamming the door shut, he saw me and quickly jumped into the fridge attempting to shut the door behind him! That didn't really work so well.

9/30/11

M. upon tossing his friend's Pablo penguin stuffed animal into the New York Harbor: 
Me: M. where's Pablo? M.: He's swimming. A minute later, M.: Oh no a shark is eating Ploblo!

9/28/11

Me: M. where is your underwear? M.: I take it off cause it's too wet. Me: Why is it too wet? M: Cause I peepsed on the couch. Me: sigh...

9/21/11

M. for Sale!  And to give everyone an idea of what you'd be getting in the transaction posted below: Today alone M. has stripped down to only his socks, shredded up a toilet paper role to feed his plastic sharks in the bath tub, applied glue stick to his lips, and pulled up the entire carpet in his bedroom to "clean" the floor.

9/18/11

Okay I'm not a grammar queen, but I think M. has created a gerund for going to church. Here it is in context: "When Daddy is finished churching he will come home and eat a banana." I think it works!

6/29/11

J. about a girl who was in his class this year: "Mariah has 2 dads and one of them is in jail." Me: "Why is he in jail?" J: "Well... probably because he parked his car in the wrong spot."

Eternity

I can still distinctly remember when I first realized that someday I was going to die.  I was maybe 7 or 8 years old and while I had an understanding of what death was, I had devised a plan in my mind of how I was going to avoid dying all together.  For some reason, probably from some Christmas time special I had watched on T.V., I had the idea in my head that elves living at the North Pole lived forever.  So naturally when I got older and closer to when most people die, I would just make my way up there and become an elf.  Unfortunately this plan of mine came to a crashing halt when I discovered the Christmas gifts from “Santa” in our basement weeks before Christmas.  Inevitably I was saddened to learn that Santa wasn’t real, but more earth shattering for me was the sudden realization that at some point my life would end.  Then what?  The only thing I could conceive was that my life would be snuffed out, total blackness, nothingness.  I’d be gone and I would cease to exist.  The thought of it gave me a dark pit in my stomach feeling that made me sick.  It completely overwhelmed me. 

Over the years when I would think about death those same thoughts would creep back into my mind, the same sick feeling.  I quickly brushed them away by trying to fill my mind and time with other things.  I imagine many other people have done/do the same thing.  I mean it’s the fate we all face.  It’s something we will all experience.  At some point in each of our lives we have run the sentence through our head “Someday I will die.”  Where we differ, is what we decide to believe about what happens next. 

We first must decide where we stand on the existence of a God.  We can determine for ourselves that He exists or that He does not.  Bear in mind, we can’t really make one or the other true, the best we can do is take a stance.  If we decide that there is no God, then we essentially must believe that when our life ends it’s final and our existence is like a flame being snuffed out.  I guess some people are cool with that.  I’m not totally sure how, but for me I just have a really hard time with that, and I always have. 

If we decided that God is real and that there is something more for us after we take our last breath, then we need to decide Who God is.  Which set of beliefs is true?  We can’t say that everything is true and all religions have their own way to God, each being valid.  We can’t say that because religions contradict one another.  We must decide for ourselves which truth we believe is true.  We can’t say nothing is absolutely true because in saying that we obliterate our own statement as well.  So if God is real, then there has to be a way of finding Him and knowing Him.  We must decide what way that is.  I think it’s fairly obvious at this point where I stand on this.  But my basis for believing that the way to God is through Christ is based on some pretty strong factual evidence.  If you’re at all interested into looking into it for yourself, try reading The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel or The Case for Faith by the same guy.   If you’re not much into reading he made two documentaries by the same names that are available on Netflix instant view. 

I can’t say that now as a believer in Christ I don’t have moments where I truly wonder what will happen to me after I die. Even though the bible tells me; I’m a doubter by nature and there is a teeny tiny part of me that wonders if everything I believe is true.  I believe with all my heart that God is okay with that.  My doubts are what keep me on a constant quest to seek Him out, to find the facts, to arm myself with example after example of how real He is.  I think it would be foolish for the little doubt in my head to cause me to throw all of my eggs from this basket into the one that says, “There is no God.”  After all, if they are right and I am wrong then it is what it is.  We will both just cease to exist. But if I’m right and they are wrong, then they will miss out greatly on an eternal life with God and I will not. 

I’ve been reading a book entitled Heaven by Randy Alcorn and I’ve been reading it because plain and simple, I have a ton of questions about what life will be like after I die.  Eternity.  That means forever.  I can’t even really wrap my mind about that.  Everything we know on this earth has a beginning and an ending.  Eternity is not something we can really conceptualize and I personally struggle with the idea of it.  Even if heaven is amazing, will it still be good if it goes on without end?  I believe the answer is yes.  Our pastor said something today that for some reason gave me a lot more peace about eternity in heaven.  He said, “We are in time and God is in eternity.”  I think the meaning of this is:  Time is all we understand.  Our entire framework for understanding everything is framed around time.  But God is in an eternal state.  He always was.  He always is.  He says, “I AM that I AM” Exodus 3:14.  Someday we will understand this.  For now we must deal with our stance on eternity.  Time passes.  Life passes quickly and then the part happens after we die.  Each of us has to deal with this reality and each of us must take a stance or leave it all up to chance.  I know where I stand.

Time or a Lack Thereof

I'm working on a bit of a theme here.  It's called:  "Things Kate likes to complain she doesn't have enough of."  I wrote about Rest already.  Today I have it on my heart to write about Time.  Time is something we all feel like we want more of.  I was watching a daytime talk show and the hosts were discussing what would be the one thing they wish for if they could have anything and one of them said, "More time to get everything done."  Every relationship we have on earth is built and grown on the basis of time spent working on it.  Good marriages only occur when 2 people are willing to put in time and effort to make it good.  No child will ever feel loved by their parents just by being told "I love you."  They feel that statement in their hearts as their parents pour that love into them by spending time with them.  Friendships are built by time spent together.  And all of these relationships were designed by God to help us understand how our relationship with Him should be.

 I often feel anxiety when I look around my home and realize how much there is to do and how little time I have to get it done.  I make time for my kids, my husband, chores, and relinquish time for myself.  I regularly have thoughts that run through my head about how I never get any time for my own pursuits.  I neglect me. But in actuality the one who I've neglected to make time for the most hasn't been myself.  It has been God.  I've neglected to carve out time for the only one who has all the answers, the only one who loves me completely, the only one who can truly put my mind and heart at rest.  Why do I do that?  Why do we do that?

We have a God who formed and created us and desires longingly that we might love Him and have a relationship with Him.  He waits for us and what do we do?  We fill up our lives with busyness and think about how we will look to Him later, find Him when death is knocking at our door.  We put it off.  When we do that, we miss out on this beautiful relationship that He wants to have with us and assume, maybe falsely, that we will truly know Him when we see Him in heaven.   I think it's interesting that so many of us think that we will know who to even look for when our lives end, when we never took the time to know Him while our lives were happening.  He is very much present now, longing and waiting to show Himself to us.

God has set about to change me and my attitude about making time for Him.  I've been carving out time for Him all throughout my day.  As a mom of 3 little ones there is no chance to really plan a schedule of these meetings, so I make them happen whenever I can.

Sometimes it's very early in the morning when only T. is up nursing, or sometimes I talk to Him in my head while I make dinner, run the bath, or drive the car.

Sometimes I ask for little things from Him and marvel when He answers.  Like today when I got home from the supermarket with 20 minutes to spare before having to double park my car for street cleaning, and had a screaming baby in the back seat.  So I asked for a parking spot.  Two minutes later I had one.  Would He be less of a God if He didn't give that to me?  Not at all.  But I think He actually delights when we take the time to come to Him for our tiny burden as much as our bigger ones.  I think it pleases Him to show us He is listening by giving us an answer.

Sometimes I take time and just listen for His voice, whether that comes from His Word or a peace in my heart about something.

Sometimes I just tell Him how much I love Him and thank Him for loving me.

He's shown me lately how remiss I have been to think I had no time for Him.  I'm going to spend eternity with Him and the more time I spend with Him, the more that idea appeals to me and the less I cling to the time I have here on earth.   Knowing Him is not something that happens when we go to church or follow a set of rules.  Knowing Him happens when we determine we want that relationship in the first place and then decide we are willing to make the time for it to grow and flourish.

Rest

I've mentioned in a previous post that I tend to complain a lot about being tired.  Before having my kids I used to need at least eight or nine hours if sleep every night or I was a mess the next day.  While I have adjusted to the perpetual sleep deprivation that comes with parenthood; I think I'm still the same person who loves a good night's rest.  I just rarely get it anymore.  You can ask my husband how often I mention how tired I am in any given day or how I like to point out to him after he wakes up, what time I woke up with the kids that morning.

Lately I've been realizing how often I think about what it would be like to really feel well rested.  I think about how maybe I'll feel better rested when my kids are a bit older and don't need me as much or better yet when they are grown, maybe then I'll be able to kick my feet up.  But I think I am beginning to understand the fallacy of this.  I mean from a spiritual perspective, if I am doing the work the Lord has for me then I am not going to find that rest I am looking for in this lifetime.  I'm not meant to.  I'm not supposed to kick my feet up.  No, instead I should always feel an urgency for the hurt, broken, and lost people all around me.  As long as there are those who don't know the love of Jesus, then there is work to do.  The bible says  "Then he (Jesus)said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." "(Matthew 9:37 NIV).   I want to be a part of the harvest.  I think that means I need to get used to the feeling of being a bit tired.  If we're working hard then that would be a natural result of hard work.  That's not to say that God does not replenish us and offer us periods of rest.  However those will last for a short time and then we must go back to the work He has for us.

Someday we will die and see Him face to face and then is when we will truly experience the rest we long for.  I look forward to that day.  It helps me to work hard, knowing that some day I will experience that.  Until then however there is much to do and little time to do it.  Time to get to work.  As my husband says to me wisely every time I ask him how he works so hard sometimes and deals with the exhaustion that comes: "You gotta do what you gotta do."