Dealing with Jealousy

A high school friend of mine just left two days ago for a sixteen-month around the world honeymoon trip with his new wife of ten months.  They've planned it for a long time and are tweeting their way through the journey with pictures and updates.  To say I think this trip is awesome would be an understatement!  I would have loved to have done something like that when R. and I were first married.  I'm really happy for this friend and his wife, but to be completely transparent...I'm jealous.  Every time they send a new update with a cute picture of the two of them on this amazing journey I get even more envious that I am not in their position.  When R. and I had been married for ten months we had just found out we were expecting J. and if you read my http://tilmyheartlookslikeyours.blogspot.com/2012/01/reflections-on-being-home-bound.html entry you'll understand that this was not an easy adjustment for me.  My life is so far from a romantic honeymoon trip at this point that the notion of it makes me green.  To be frank, at this point I'd be excited for a few days away with my husband, let alone a sixteen-month adventure!  

So how does one deal with what one cannot have?  It could be a job, a home, a quality of life thing, anything really.  And we've all been there.  What do we do when feelings of jealousy creep into our lives? We can pretend we're not really jealous.  I've done that plenty of times.  But that's not really dealing with it.

Not surprisingly I guess, I was reading in Numbers today and God put His supernatural finger on the jealously that I've been harboring.  In Numbers 11 the Israelites begin to complain that they had a better life back in Egypt.  As an outsider to this, it seems quite ridiculous that they would be wishing for that part of their life to return.  After all they were slaves.  They were worked very hard, and if we flip back to those pages we see that they were miserable.  And then God delivered them and provided them with direction and manna, which essentially was all the food they would ever need.  Yet instead of being grateful for all that God had done for them, they began to complain about the manna.  "The rabble with them began to crave other food, and again the Israelites started wailing and said, "If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost- also the cucumbers, belongs, leeks, onions, and garlic.  But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" (Numbers 11:4-6 NIV84)  Unbelievable right?

Not really.  The above scriptures describe us all.  If we look all around us we can see God's hand of blessing in our life.  It doesn't matter how much or how little we have.  He has provided.  He has given to us abundantly.  If we stop comparing ourselves to others we can see it quite plainly.  He has been very good to us. 

We can either choose to go after what we don’t have, or we can choose to be content with what He has given us.  But lest we think that gaining what we’ve gone after will make us happy, let’s look at our friends the Israelites again.  God was speaking to Moses and said,  “Tell the people: ‘Consecrate yourselves in preparation for tomorrow, when you will eat meat.  The Lord heard you when you wailed, “If only we had meat to eat!  We were better off in Egypt!”  Now the Lord will give you meat, and you will eat it.  You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days.  But for a whole month- until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it- because you have rejected the Lord, who is among you, and have wailed before him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?” ’ ” (Numbers 11:18-20 NIV84).  So essentially God gave them exactly what they were asking for; or better, He gave them over to what they wanted.  The result was not satisfaction in gaining what they desired.  In the end they would keep wishing for something else.  And this infuriated God. 

If I think about this in terms of my role as a mother, there is nothing that upsets me more than when my children do not act gratefully when they receive something.  If I give them a gift they have long asked me for and upon receiving it, play with it for a minute, and then toss it to the side and ask for something else, this angers me (and this has happened!).  I think to myself, “Why can’t they just be grateful for this gift?  Why can’t they see what a sacrifice it was for me to buy it for them and just appreciate it, instead of wanting more?”

Yet the truth is that I am no different.  I’ve had many moments like the Israelites where I am ashamed to say I have wish I could just go my own way and go after what I want.  Why waste so much time pursuing God’s will?  Living my own life will get me what I want.  But the reality is, that this is no way to go.  God sees ahead for us and around every corner of our life.  When we are able to rest in knowing that he has His plans laid out for us and that they are good, we can find the peace and contentment that we will never discover if we chase after things for ourselves.  Yes, it means that often we will not get to do or have some of the things we want. But in the end God will help to shape our desires as well and the end result will be one simple want: a desire for more of Him.  I can only imagine how thrilled I would be to not only hear a “Thank you” from one of my children when I give them something special, but also something like, “Mommy, I love this toy, but I love you more.  What would make me most happy is just to be with you Mom.”  I think I would fall over will joy.  God is our father and He wants us to want Him more than anything He could ever give us in this world.  After all, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.  ‘Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness, and the anxieties of this life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap.’” (Luke 21:33-34 NIV84)  In the end He is all that we have so it only makes sense that He should be all that we want.