Whom Shall I Fear?

I know today was a really hard day for school age parents.  After the shooting on Friday that has literally brought us to our knees, we sent our children back to school this morning.  My first-born is a first grader.  The sadness I feel thinking about the 20 families whose first graders will not be going back to school today or ever is very great.  I think about how much I had in common with these mothers up until Friday.  We have experienced the same milestones over the last 6-7 years around the same time.  And then Friday happened and I can only begin to imagine their grief as they have had to let go of  their first graders and all of hopes and dreams they had for them. 

For those of us left grappling with all of this over the weekend and thinking about Monday and our childrens' return to school, I want to share something on my heart:

There is a decision that I have made recently and continue to make.  It doesn’t in any way minimize or take away the sadness and grief from the tragedy that occurred.  That will remain, but it is the way in which I will continue to live my life and encourage my children to do the same.  I decided rather recently, that I would not live my life in fear.  I cannot stop bad things from happening to myself or to my children.   I am certain God has miraculously protected us from things in the past, but I have no promise that He will do so in the future.  He doesn’t promise that.  What He promises is that He will be with us no matter what.  He will go before us and He will glorify Himself in our lives if we allow Him.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:18 NIV

I read recently a book where the author was talking about how we are always praying for God’s physical protection instead of praying that he would be glorified wherever we go or in whatever we do.  He challenged his readers to think about how much God could do with us if instead of living in fear, we laid our lives down before Him and allowed Him to take us where He wanted us even if it wasn’t safe; even if it meant we would give up our lives for Him. 

That really convicted me and it helped me this morning as I pulled up to J’s school. Instead of promising him that the school was safe and that the bad thing that happened on Friday would never happen to him, I promised him something I know for sure is true.  After giving him a big hug I said,  “J. just remember today that God is with you.  He’ll always be by your side even when mommy isn’t and He loves you even more than I do.”  Then I stood and watched him go into school.  I looked around at other mothers who were sort of lingering, looking through the glass doors into the school lobby, almost unable to pull themselves away.   I pray if they feel a sense of fear they would surrender it to their Heavenly Father whose promises are true and who will never leave their children's' sides even when they themselves must do so.