The End/The Beginning

So I have no idea if any of you who read this blog every struggle with my greatest struggle.  I’m going to share it because I’m sort of hoping I’m not alone.  I read a verse in the bible this morning that sort of got me thinking about it and I happen to also be reading the book of Ecclesiastes right now, which is super depressing if you struggle with what I do. 

Here it is:  At any given moment in my day I am usually in some form or another thinking about how short life is.  I think about it every time I look at my kids and see how big they’ve gotten.  I think about it when I see old pictures, especially wedding pictures or pictures of my kids as babies.  I walk around and go about my day, but always in my head I am thinking about how my life is like this little whiff of eternity.  It’s nothing.  I will blink and it will be over. 

When I think about that I feel sad even though I shouldn’t feel sad.  God has promised me an eternity with Him, so obviously I believe that I have so much more to live for once my earthly life is done.  But even that, I just can’t wrap my mind around the notion of forever.  Everything I know and understand begins and it ends.  I have no concept of what foreverness will be.  Even though it’s promised to be wonderful, I still have no idea what it will be like.  So because everything I experience is here and now, I get very nostalgic and sad when I think about how short life really is. 

The only time I am not bothered by this is when I am in the presence of God, seeking His face, or doing something for Him that I know He wants me to do.  That’s when I am free of my thoughts and I feel like heaven could happen for me right then and there and off I’d go. 

I wonder if anyone else thinks like me?  Do other people really ponder the fact that their life is so very, very short?  If not, do they brush it aside?  I mean how can you not live with the reality that your life will be over at some point and the point will come quicker than you can imagine?  But I reading this verse this morning got me thinking: “He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.” Ecclesiastes 5:20 NIV84.   I think that must be true.  So many people think so little about eternity, until they come face to face with it at the end.   But it’s not really God who keeps our mind occupied, it’s the stuff we busy ourselves with.  It’s keeping busy and keeping our mind off of what’s going to happen when all is said and done.

Apologies for this entry being a bit of a rambler.  Basically, instead of brushing my thoughts to the side and doing everything in my power to have the happiest life I can before it’s over, I’ve determined to do something else.  Because life is pretty much nothing in comparison to eternity, I’ve decided to live for that.  Everything has eternal significance.  When all is said and done, I want to have loved as much as I could, served as many as I could, given all that I have, for the only One who really matters.  Only because of Jesus can I live like that.