I am a self-professed doubter. I’ve discussed this previously. Time and time again God shows up and answers me in so many
ways, but when my back is up against the wall and even sometimes when it isn’t
the doubts creep inside my head.
Case in point (and yes I’ve also written about this before)
every single time I get home late at night and start the arduous search for a
parking spot. On these dreaded
occasions I begin my conversation with God, “Oh Lord please show me favor in finding a spot. We been hard at work for the kingdom
and could really use a spot close to our building, etc…” Now some of you might think it silly
that I make such a deal out of praying for a parking spot, but if that’s the
case, clearly you must not live in NYC and have 3 crying/whining/hungry
children in your backseat. During
these moments the fear of searching for over an hour (yes this has occurred but
usually to R. not me) literally paralyzes me. I start out praying with such faith, but inevitably after a
few laps around the block I begin to doubt that God will come through. This is followed by a good dose of
guilt, because really and truly God answering a prayer about a parking spot
shouldn’t be the end all and be all.
At some point I tend to break down as I imagine my children starving and
bawling for hours on end with no spot in sight, and just as I begin my cry
fest, a spot appears for me!
Why oh why do I doubt God in the first place? The bible is chalk full of verses
telling me to have faith and not doubt.
In fact many verses suggest that if I doubt at all I won’t be able to do
much. Case in point, I could move
a mountain, but not if I have doubt.
Yet I can think of at least one example of someone in the
bible who lacked faith and doubted God would help him in his time of need. That guy was Peter and when Jesus
walked on water he called Peter out on to the water with him. And just like me, at first Peter
stepped out in faith…but then he doubted Jesus and boom down he went into the
water! What gets to my heart though
is what happened next. Technically
Jesus should have left Peter to flounder in the water. After all he had failed the test of his
trust. But Jesus doesn’t do
that. Here’s the verse:
“Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him…” Matthew 14:31. Jesus didn’t even make Peter wait. He grabbed him right up and then asked
him why he had doubted.
I feel like God graciously does the same for me. I don’t want to be a doubter, but
sometimes I am. Instead of
punishing me for that, he doesn’t. In place of a slap on the wrist, He answers
me. Time and time again this
happens and I have to believe with my heart that in the end of it all, my doubts
will no longer have any place in me.
This is my song today and every day really: Enjoy!
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