Good Byes and Uncertainty

Two things I am not good at are good byes and uncertainty.  For example, anytime in life when I have come to the end of something, I have gotten very anxious about the good byes that would ensue.  In fact, when the good bye is finally over and the person or place is gone I feel a certain sense of relief instead of sadness.   I would venture to guess that most people feel a similar sense of insecurity in dealing with something ending, even if they know that what is coming next is going to be great. 

The same thing goes for me with anything that is uncertain.  I like to know what’s up ahead.  I like to be sure of things.  So when there is any kind of uncertainty to what the future holds I find it very difficult to go with the flow.  (As if any of us actually ever have any certainty about anything : )

So I guess it’s no wonder that I have a hard time thinking about the end of this life and the uncertainty in my mind of what it will be like when this chapter is over.  It also should be no surprise I guess that I’ve written about this before and will probably write about this again. 

I know what the bible tells me about heaven.  I know the promises made about what it will be like.  I know that the bible tells me it will be much, much, infinitely much better than anything I know now.  But despite that knowledge, I find myself clinging to my life here on earth, because it’s all that I know and all that I see.  Because having faith in a God that I cannot see, cannot touch, and cannot hear audibly requires me to suspend certain doubts that my little finite brain has wrapped itself around.   Because leaving this life will be a good bye of sorts, which I’m not good at.  There’s uncertainty wrapped up in what that moment will be like and if everything I’ve hoped for, banked on, and dedicated my life to will really come to pass.

In all of that though I trust that when I finally take that journey and the good bye is behind me, the good ahead will be so very good.  I will be with the God that I so long for.  I will have questions answered.  I will fully know Him then.  Any ache, or sadness will disappear. 

So even though I accept my uncertainty of what is to come, I also have a great sense of anticipation to meet Jesus.  Not the Jesus that is painted in pictures.  Not the Jesus that so very many people claim to affiliate with though their hearts are cold towards the very people He loves.  The actual Jesus.  In person.  Face to face.  Someday I will see the One who has heard ever prayer I have ever prayed, collected every tear I have ever cried, who has always been there, who is waiting for me.

No more good byes.  No more uncertainty.  Forever.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

(Hebrews 11:1NIV84)