Blue Eyes and Double-Jointed Thumbs

I’ve always sort of secretly lamented the fact that my children don’t really look like me.  I think this might be a similar experience among other interracial families where two or more races are blended together to make little people who while (according to me) possessing beautiful features, don’t really resemble either of their parents.   My kids really do look like each other, but I’ve never really been able to identify anything in them that I know for certain comes definitively from me. 

Honestly it wasn’t really that big of a deal.  But I’ve always sort of looked longingly at families where the child clearly just takes after one of their parents.  Like their genes were just stamped and replicated so obviously, there would be no question that the kids belonged there.  My nephew is an example of this.  He is like a carbon copy of my sister.  He looks exactly the way I picture my children looking before I met and married someone with dark brown skin. 

My boys were both born, beautiful brown eyes, olive skin, and don’t look like me at all.  I expected the same from my daughter before she made her appearance and for the most part I was right.  Except for two very unlikely, slightly strange features that she possesses that always make me smile, because they always remind me without a shadow of a doubt that she got them from me!  The first are her eyes.  They are blue.  Really what are the chances of that?  I’ve seen it before in pictures, but honestly if you know anything about how genetics work with determining eye color, she is a bit of an anomaly.  My husband has absolutely no history of anyone in his lineage with eyes any other color than brown.  So technically T. should have had no chance of ending up with blue eyes.  Yet I assure you she definitely has them!

The second is very quirky.  As a kid I used to love to freak out all my friends by popping my crazy double- jointed thumbs in an out of sockets.  It was my cool/weird super human trick.  Well let me just tell you the big smile I got on my face when I held my little T.’s newborn hand in mine, counted and wiggled all her fingers, and joyfully discovered her flexible double jointed thumbs!  Almost two years later it still makes me smile every time I see her popping that thumb in and out of it’s socket (she’s unaware that this is weird yet).

So seriously what is even the point of me sharing this with anyone?  Honestly I don’t really know.   They’re not really a big deal in comparison to the gift of life God has given me in my children or on a much greater scale, the gift of life He has given me through his Son Jesus.  In metaphoric terms, the gift of Christ is like a bowl of my favorite ice cream every day, and my daughter’s eye color and thumb tricks are like tiny sprinkles.  But I’m still thankful for them.  I think He gave me those sprinkles because He knew they would mean something to me and bring me joy.  He’s a generous and loving Creator.  

So God, I know you can read this, and I just want to thank you.  You deserve thanks for so much more, but for just this one second I want to thank you for blue eyes and double-jointed thumbs and for the bond of a mother and daughter.  I’m really grateful for that.  You’re the best!

Our Media Fast is Over...sort of

Well we just completed 10 days without most media.  I admittedly had to log on to do my job that can only be done online as well as to check email.  I also made an exception to watch my husband sing in the presidential inauguration yesterday.  I felt that to be acceptable. : )

What surprised me the most about being somewhat off the grid was that I didn’t miss it as much as I thought I might.  I am really somewhat of an internet junkie.  I would even liken it to an addiction.  I didn’t want to spend even one day not being able to log on to Facebook or check into one of my online mom’s groups, so ten days felt impossible.  Because I was so resistant to doing it I knew I had to. 

I determined to draw closer to God, my husband, and my children.  I am really thankful that is exactly what happened.  It was the time I needed to face the reality of my media over usage and contemplate how I can reintroduce it with better parameters and moderation. 

I don’t want to let me life go by with a screen in front of my face twenty four seven.  There are too many in person conversations to have with my husband, friends and family; beautiful, silly, laughing children to watch grow up; and a world of hurting people that need love and to be told God loves them too.  

Beginning our Media Fast

Well folks, I've wrangled my dear husband into a total fast of media with me for the next ten days, possibly more.  I decided this would be a good idea for me.  Why?  Well quite frankly I am online or watching television WAY too much.  I feel like either one of us always has some sort of screen in front of our face.  The thought of giving that up for 10 days or more feels odd and uncomfortable.  But it's necessary.  I'm hoping during this time we will draw closer to each other and God.  I will report back when we've completed our fast.  Here we go!

J. turns 7!

I haven't posted in a while and I feel like I owe my J. a birthday shout out so I'll just share a little bit.  Every January 10th I get more sentimental than any other day because it was the day I became a mom for the first time.  I'll never forget the moment at 7:25 pm when with one final push he came into the world.  I'll never forget pulling him up onto me and looking down into his sweet little face.  He was so warm and slippery and perfect.  My whole entire life changed at that moment, yet I wasn't really even aware of it.  Ricardo and I often look at newborn pictures of our kids and comment how all their unique personalities are just stored up inside their tiny little bodies and yet if you look in their eyes you can see a glimmer of what they will become.

It's been a privilege, a challenge, a blessing, and so much more to be a mother these last seven years.  I know I've only scratched the surface of what motherhood will entail for me.  But I'm so very thankful that I've had the chance to love and be loved by such a sweet little boy and his brother and sister.  It's truly one of God's greatest gifts.

My little guy at a few days old.

Looking Back on 2012!

I’m reflecting on another year.  It’s been a really good year.  In actuality there haven’t been any huge events in my life this year.  I didn’t move, start a new job, get married, get pregnant, or have a baby.  For the most part in every past year since 2004 one of those things has happened. 

Instead, this year God has taught me whole lot about myself and a whole lot about Himself.  He’s been showing me how to be content in every situation and stage of life.  He’s taught me about putting the needs of others before myself.  He’s rearranged the way I think about so many things. 

I delight in Him.  My only prayer for myself in 2013 is that I would know Him even more.  That’s it!

Whom Shall I Fear?

I know today was a really hard day for school age parents.  After the shooting on Friday that has literally brought us to our knees, we sent our children back to school this morning.  My first-born is a first grader.  The sadness I feel thinking about the 20 families whose first graders will not be going back to school today or ever is very great.  I think about how much I had in common with these mothers up until Friday.  We have experienced the same milestones over the last 6-7 years around the same time.  And then Friday happened and I can only begin to imagine their grief as they have had to let go of  their first graders and all of hopes and dreams they had for them. 

For those of us left grappling with all of this over the weekend and thinking about Monday and our childrens' return to school, I want to share something on my heart:

There is a decision that I have made recently and continue to make.  It doesn’t in any way minimize or take away the sadness and grief from the tragedy that occurred.  That will remain, but it is the way in which I will continue to live my life and encourage my children to do the same.  I decided rather recently, that I would not live my life in fear.  I cannot stop bad things from happening to myself or to my children.   I am certain God has miraculously protected us from things in the past, but I have no promise that He will do so in the future.  He doesn’t promise that.  What He promises is that He will be with us no matter what.  He will go before us and He will glorify Himself in our lives if we allow Him.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:18 NIV

I read recently a book where the author was talking about how we are always praying for God’s physical protection instead of praying that he would be glorified wherever we go or in whatever we do.  He challenged his readers to think about how much God could do with us if instead of living in fear, we laid our lives down before Him and allowed Him to take us where He wanted us even if it wasn’t safe; even if it meant we would give up our lives for Him. 

That really convicted me and it helped me this morning as I pulled up to J’s school. Instead of promising him that the school was safe and that the bad thing that happened on Friday would never happen to him, I promised him something I know for sure is true.  After giving him a big hug I said,  “J. just remember today that God is with you.  He’ll always be by your side even when mommy isn’t and He loves you even more than I do.”  Then I stood and watched him go into school.  I looked around at other mothers who were sort of lingering, looking through the glass doors into the school lobby, almost unable to pull themselves away.   I pray if they feel a sense of fear they would surrender it to their Heavenly Father whose promises are true and who will never leave their children's' sides even when they themselves must do so.   

In the Face of Tragedy: Insensitivity

In light of the school shooting I am dedicating this blog post to get a few things off my chest.  First and foremost I think what needs to be happening more than anything else is a lot of praying.  We need to pray for comfort for the community, families effected, and lost people around the world who are struggling to make sense of all of this.  Before saying anything we really need to just pray and seek God.

I really feel the need to address a few things that have been said by both people in the media spot light, political figures, and just people discussing the event in social media.

Prayer in School:

The first I mentioned on Facebook this morning and just really want to go into more detail.  Governor Huckabee and others have been spouting off this idea that this tragedy happened because we have removed God from our schools. The shooting didn't happen because we've 'removed God from our schools'. I'm sick hearing political leaders say that. God is omnipresent.  He’s everywhere, not just in Christian homes and Christian schools.  He’s in places where overwhelmingly He is not welcome.  He’s in countries many Christians won’t even go to for fear that their own lives might be taken from them. 

In regards to the Sandy Hook School; God was there.  He was there with every child and teacher and administrator who had ushered him into their own hearts. They brought God into the school with them. His presence was there. As a former teacher, I personally used to pray and welcome His presence into my classroom. I used to pray over each chair before my students arrived that God would help them to learn. 

God did not permit this because we've taken prayer out of our schools. What about the Amish school shooting? Certainly that was a school that encouraged prayer. This happened because evil is present in this world. And you know what, God was with every person in that school building on Friday. I'm certain he was aching. But I believe He surrounded those who lost their lives with His presence as they readied to meet Him face to face.

Homeschooling:

Many times this week I’ve heard people, even some in my own church openly state that they are so grateful that God has called them to homeschool their children, therefore protecting their kids from ever being shot at in a school setting.  I’ve heard people spout that while obviously not everyone is able to homeschool, those that are able really should as it’s the right thing to do.  I just want to say, “Don’t go there” when I hear comments like that. Homeschooling is not the calling of every Christian. I personally feel called to send my kids to public school. The verse about being the salt of the earth weighs on my heart. My oldest son shares Christ with his peers and my youngest son talks about church and God in his preschool and his teacher has decided to visit our church because she says he talks about how much he loves it so often that it must be a wonderful place. Likewise I have made friends with some amazing moms in my son's school and God has given me opportunities to love them and they love me back.  I was a teacher up until 2 years ago and I could easily homeschool my children but I don't because God has called me differently. We are each so different as is God's plan for our lives.  Similarly, just because you homeschool your children, doesn’t mean that you can protect them from all harm.  As parents we are obviously driven by maternal/paternal instincts to protect our children from danger.  But at the same time as with all things in our life, we should be praying God would get glory from every situation we face.  Not just, “Oh God keep me safe, and happy, and fell fed, and living in my own little happy Christian bubble with my family.”

Anyway, back to my original statement.  In light of all that has transpired, we really just need to pray.  We need to stop pointing fingers and trying to look for practical worldly answers for why this happened.  We need to pray that in the end God will be glorified by this tragedy as people turn their hearts over to Him.  And we need to do our part to make that happen, not just sit back and shake our heads and keep on living our lives.