Rich Girl

I grew up with everything a kid could ever want.  Thanks to my parents I was fairly unaware of the fact that we were well off.  My parents denied me some of the things that my private school friends received like new cars, cash, and fancy ski trips. However, I never lacked for anything, and quite frankly looking back I got to do a lot, went to a lot of interesting places around the world, and lived a pretty cushy life.  I may not have been part of the top 1 %, but I had to have been living in a family that was at least in the top 10%.  Compared to the rest of world we were way up there.

The front door of my childhood home

I went to an excellent private school, a top college, and an Ivy League school for graduate studies.  Couple that with the rest of my upbringing and I entered adulthood with a voice that spoke to my subconscious telling me that I should reach for the same in my own adult life.  Work hard.  Gain success.  Be financially stable (meaning with significant extra money beyond one’s expenses).  If you do all of that you’ll be happy.  If you have a comfortable life with lots of cushion to fall back on, you’ll be safe from worry. 

Except here’s the little problem with that:  #1 Life isn’t supposed to be about having a comfortable stable existence and being happy.  It’s supposed to be about doing God’s will no matter what that is.  #2 Having too many fall back plans means you’re not trusting God to take care of you; you’re trusting yourself.

So here I am.  I have no permanent form of employment that utilizes the skills I learned in all those years of schooling.  Because of that we don’t have extra money to sock away for a rainy day or to fall back on in case the bottom falls out.  I had to break it to my Dad, that I will probably never become a school principal or superintendant like he hoped I might (Sorry Dad you know I love you! ; ) My life looks nothing like the way I grew up and it’s probably never going to. 

But you know what?  I’m home with my kids and I’ve never been happier.  I have time to serve God with all my heart.  I have time to build lasting relationships with other mothers in my community and my children are right along side of me while I do that.   I have a wonderful husband who loves me despite all of my faults, is patient, longsuffering, and kind. I’ve been learning to trust God to supply our needs and even seen Him supply extras that we don’t need.  I’ve been learning that happiness doesn’t come from having it all.  It comes from loving people and being reminded that I have a Savior who loves me in the biggest way possible. 

I had a really great childhood.  I’m thankful for that.  It won’t be the same kind of childhood I give my own children, but I feel certain they will feel similarly grateful as I do about their own upbringing, just for different reasons.

When I struggle with feeling like I don’t have what I should (and I struggle with this very much even despite what I stated above), I turn to God’s word and it always encourages me.  Today I read this and I really feel like it spoke into my life:

“Do not be overawed when a man grows rich,
   

when the splendor of his house increases;

for he will take nothing with him when he dies,
   

 his splendor will not descend with him.

Though while he lived he counted himself blessed—
  
  and men praise you when you prosper—

he will join the generation of his fathers,
   
 who will never see the light of life.

A man who has riches without understanding
   
 is like the beasts that perish.” 

Psalm 49:16-20 NIV84

God please let me be free of making my life about myself.  It’s such a short one and I want to live it for you.  In the end no tangible thing I build for myself here will go with me, so let my life be about how much I can love, encourage, and lift up others.  In the end, it’s your kingdom (and not riches) that’s the only thing worth building up.

For Laughs Volume 2

Well it's hard to believe I last did this in January!  Time to compile all the funny sayings I posted on Facebook that my kiddos uttered in the last 9 months.  Enjoy a good chuckle!

1/21/12

RE: the catch made popular on John and Kate plus Eight: M: J, You get what you want and you don't get upset! J: No, it's, You get what you GET and you don't get upset! M: That's what I said!

1/23/12

Went to Walgreens to pick up some stuff and I let M. choose a gift for his friend's birthday this weekend. While I inspected the arts and crafts he was further down the aisle with a basket. He strutted over to me with his basket filled with "presents". What was inside? 2 containers of tacks, 2 flashlights, and a packet of stickers. Needless to say we had to make some other choices (besides the stickers of course!) : ) Love that boy!

1/31/12

On our way to school today we were discussing what we would name our dog if we had one, and M. said, "I'm gonna name my dog 'Fluffy the Cat'. "

3/6/12

M. wants to wear a barrette in his hair so badly, he fashioned one out of a paper clip and is walking around with it in his hair!

3/9/12

Intending to deny his own responsibility for ripping pages out of a library book, mistakenly M. denied that he was M.

3/10/12

M. to T. while jamming to his own tune this morning: "Come on girl! Sing it!"

3/30/12

M: Mom can I have seaweeds for breakfast?

I mean how can I say no to that?

 4/10/12

Oh the independence of a 3rd child! Much to my amazement T. managed to get a hold of a container of apple sauce, a knife from the dishwasher, cut open the apple sauce herself, and I found her feeding herself on the kitchen floor! 12 months old! (and yes I did take the knife away from her when I discovered this : )

4/16/12

M. just used the word "gorgeous" to describe a cookie I gave him. LOL!

4/20/12

M. with scissors in hand: "Daddy, the carpet needs a haircut!"

4/29/12

Night 2 of M. sleeping under a laundry basket...At least he goes to bed without complaining!

5/3/12

I love how M. thinks that whispering just as loud as he was talking is considered being quiet.

5/20/12

M. is dancing around the house singing a song he has clearly composed himself: "Jumping up and down! jumping up and down! Obama! Obama!"

5/27/12

Me: "M. be careful!"

M: "I'm carefuling!"

6/3/12

I hear fighting coming from the back of our apartment. I go back there and what are the boys fighting over? A bag of carrots! Surreal!

6/13/12

I hear a shriek and J. crying that M. punched him. Before I can even summon M. I hear him yell, "It's okay I'm in time out!"

6/14/12

Boys in the bathtub discussing their weekend plans:

J: I want to go to the Queens zoo. What do you think they have there?

M: I want to go there! I think they'll have queens, and dragons, and princesses!

6/20/12

M: Mommy I want to go to "Toys are Mine"

J: No M. it's "Toys r Us"

6/24/12

J: Mommy, how fast does a cheetah run if it has rocket boosters attached to it?

Me: quizzical stare

6/28/12

Checked in on the boys in their shower:

J: Mom I'm doing a good job washing my hair!

M: Yeah and I'm peen' in the shower!

6/29/12

J: I lost Daddy's soccer ball! He's going to kill me!

M: Really? With what?

7/18/12

So this morning in the shower I accidentally shampooed my face. In addition to that today while M. was making pizza with two of his friends who came over, I caught him drinking tomato sauce out of the jar with a straw. We're clearly related!

9/19/12

Watch Yo Gabba Gabba while mommy showers or sneak into the bathroom to eat toothpaste? Hmmmm which to choose....?

Priorities

Today on the radio I heard the DJ talking about how life can get so busy.  He started listing things that commonly occupy our time saying, “…with everything going on with our family; like sports, tai kwon do, dance class, class projects, church, the dog needing this or that…”  I honestly can’t remember what he talked about after that, because I started pondering this idea of what we do with our time and how it’s so very centered on ourselves.  I also noted how he listed church near the end of his list and it made me think about how little relevance God really has in so many of our lives.  Like He is either an afterthought or someone who is an add-on to what we are already doing.

I read a book recently where the author posed a question: “If you knew that heaven was going to be a place free of pain and suffering, with all of the nicest things you can imagine, and all of your close friends and family present, but Jesus was not there, would that matter to you?”  I would actually guess that for many people it would not matter.  God, the one who created us, longs for us to want Him, trust Him, and look forward to the day where we will see Him, is an afterthought.  We think about Him on occasion or when we are in church, but our lives do not reflect that He really matters.

If our own children acted towards us the way we treat our relationship with God, our hearts would be crushed.  God is our creator and our Heavenly Father, so when we set Him aside I imagine He must feel the same way.  What if heaven isn’t going to be all about us and the good things we will have?  What if it’s going to be all about Him and finally being reunited with the One who loves us most of all?  Shouldn’t we be living our lives here on earth with that at the forefront of our minds and hearts?  And if we do, our priorities and how we spend our time will surely change.

Urban Butterfly

A little over a week ago my foraging 6 and 3 year old discovered some caterpillars eating milk weed on a grassy median between the parking lot across from our building and the street.  Every day they begged me to go back and check on them. 

Each day we saw them munching away on the leafy plants.  About five days ago we discovered one of them hanging in this cocoon:

We have a mesh “butterfly garden” that I purchased a few years ago so that we could watch the caterpillars you can order from a bug catalog go through their life cycle.  We decided to transfer the cocoon into our little mesh cage and watch it hatch out.  Yesterday after realizing that three of the caterpillars had probably been eaten, we rescued the last remaining one and transferred it along with some milkweed into our makeshift butterfly zoo. 

This morning J. watched it expectantly and was fortunate enough to see the first butterfly emerge in it’s new state.  A monarch butterfly!

We decided to take it out back to our building’s garden and release it.  As we watched it hesitantly crawl around on our hands and finally flap it’s little wings and take off, I was just taken by how amazing the life cycle of a butterfly really is.  I mean a bright black and yellow wiggly worm wraps itself up in a tight little suitcase hanging upside down, and a few days later an insect looking nothing like it’s former self emerges, with beautiful colored wings and a body that looks nothing like it once did.  That’s just incredible! 

I’m literally in awe that God does things like that in nature.  Things that just defy logic and understanding.  Better, I love how the caterpillar to butterfly transformation mirrors what God is able to do with our own lives when we realize we need Him to.  A similar process, with the same beautiful result: a transformed life!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!  “ 2Corinthians 5:17

Eleven Years Since 9/11

9.1.01 I moved to New York City.  It was the city I swore up and down that I would never live in.  I didn’t like the lights, the hustle and bustle, and the crazy subway system that made no sense to me.   I’ve learned since “never say never” should really be my motto.   I ended up here because New York City happened to have the best masters degree program in my chosen field and I came knowing no one, hopeful I could finish up my program and get out. 

Ten days later I was student teaching in a school on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and saw the horrible events unfolding on the television set of the teacher’s lounge.  As I walked up Broadway heading back to my tiny graduate school dorm room, I looked at all the stunned faces around me, people desperately trying to get in touch with someone who might have some information about what was going on.  I felt like I was in a daze.

In the days to come I remember seeing the faces of missing people everywhere, plastered on the walls of the subway, on school yard fences.  I remember the winds shifting north and the horrible burning stench of the wreckage blowing in my dorm room window, while I cried on the phone to my mom, begging her to give me the advice I wanted: “Leave.  Come home.”  But she didn’t and I stayed. 

Eleven years later I’m still here.  

Not long after that awful day, as we all tried to heal, I fell in love with this city and how everyone stuck together.   Eleven years later and some days I can’t imagine calling another city home.  I can’t imagine my children growing up anywhere else.  When I look around the playground and see the faces of all of their friends and neighbors, different colors, backgrounds, beliefs; I thank God for keeping me here.  I thank Him for every beautiful thing about this gritty, noisy, lovely place, and every person He has put in my path.  I thank Him for everything that makes New York City unique. 

I went jogging this morning on our waterfront promenade and looked out at Lower Manhattan, at the new tower rising into the sky.  The sky is blue and crisp and clear just like that day eleven years ago.  Unlike all of the pain and uncertainty I felt that day, today I can honestly say I would rather be in no other place!

"I Do it Myself!": Lessons from a spirited toddler.

Some of T.’s favorite treats are those applesauce pouches that they sell in the baby food section of the supermarket.  I didn’t discover these until recently and they are a complete hit with her.  Today I took one out for her and she wailed when I began to unscrew the cap.  Knowing that a complete tantrum would ensue if I actually opened the thing, I handed it to her cap on.  She proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes trying to get the top off her self.  She gnawed on it, attempted to unscrew it with her uncoordinated fingers, threw it on the ground, and stomped her feet.  Every time I tried to take it from her to take the top off, she screamed.  I knew she wanted the applesauce, but she wanted to get to it BY HERSELF!

As I looked at her and inwardly laughed at the mayhem she was causing for herself, I began to think how we’re all so similar to this.  There are so many situations where God wants us to trust Him to do something for us, and all we do is kick and scream and try to the things ourselves.  I’ve done this countless times.  In the end we give up and let Him do it and when we look back on the whole debacle we think, “It would have been so much easier if I had just let God work on my behalf from the get go.”

Eventually T. exhausted her efforts and let me open the applesauce.  Ah the sweet joy in her smile was priceless when she tasted the fruit after so much time trying to get to it!

In the same way I so badly wanted to help my daughter, God wants to lift the burden in our lives of trying to do things in our own strength.  He is our Heavenly Father and just like earthly parents do for their children, He wants to do for us. 

“Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden…” Psalm 68:19 NASB

“Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.”  Psalm 55:22 NASB

He wants to help us.  But we have to let Him.

Struggles as Blessings

I once had someone tell me that they had everything they could ever need, so they didn’t have a need for God.  While this made me sad, I know chances are their circumstances will change at some point and maybe then so will their view about God. 

But what has really gotten me thinking lately is sort of the flip side of that statement, or at least related to it.  What about those of us who have put our faith in God and seek to serve Him but at the same time seek to avoid struggle?  Meaning, we say we love the Lord, but our expectation of the relationship we have with Him is that He will bless us, provide for us, pour out His riches on us, and remove difficult and challenging situations from our lives.  We might say otherwise, but our hearts live with that expectation deeply embedded in them.

What are the implications of this?  I think when our lives look too perfect, too prosperous, and too easy we limit the testimony that God can use to draw people to Him.  Think about it.  If your life is easy breezy and you’re trying to show people their need of God, they might think, “Sure she loves God.  He’s given her everything she has ever needed and asked for.  But what if the bottom fell out?  Would she still trust Him?”  They probably with just reason, might doubt that we would.

I just started reading the book of Job that is written about a man who loved God with all his heart.  He had it all.  But one day Satan comes along and challenges Job’s faith by saying this:

“Does Job fear God for nothing?” Satan replied. “Have you not  put a hedge around him and his household and everything he has?  You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land.  But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse your face.” (Job 1:9-11 NIV84)

What happens after that is probably an example of someone who has experienced more pain, torture, and heartache than any man who has ever lived besides Jesus Christ. But the end outcome is that he continues to trust in God. God permits the circumstances to test Job’s faith and probably to give him needed credibility.   I bet people certainly took more stock in what he had to say after he went through all that.  I certainly do.

My prayer is not for poverty.  It’s not to be down and out.  But it’s also not to have it all.  Simply put my prayer is that God would pave the way for my life.  I wholeheartedly embrace the challenges and struggles that come with it as long as they build credibility in me as I share what God has done in my life with others.