I'm going to privately resurrect this blog because we are in the midst of a major season of waiting on God. A place that has us firmly placed in what feels like wandering in the wilderness and I want to chronicle it because I firmly believe God is going to answer our prayers and bring us into a new season. It feels so close I could taste it, yet so far away it's completely out of reach. I want to be able to look back and remember how I was feeling and how God helped me deal with it.
Long story short R. is prayerfully looking for a new job. We live 2 hours away from our church, where he works. Even when we did live there, it's firmly planted in the middle of a downtown area where it's very challenging to find parking and gain access with ease. Because of that and because now we obviously live so far away the kids and I can't be part of anything except Sunday services; we are praying about making a change so that we can all serve and worship together and be part of our church community the way we feel God intends us to be.
This has been a very difficult decision and one I have wanted us to make for years, but have waffled about it because I know how much R. loves our church. It's been the only family he has really ever known. It's been the only professional job he has ever held, and it has afforded him the opportunity to do many amazing things for the kingdom. But since having our kids (5 in all now!) I have felt so unbelievably cut off from it all and that longing to belong has lingered with me for years. I have held onto hope that someday God might open a door for us to move elsewhere. Living with 5 kids in a city where a 3 bedroom apartment averages 4k a month is just NOT feasible. Living 2 hours away from that city and still attending that church doesn't really feel that much more feasible for our spiritual health and well being.
So this past January, we decided together that we would prayerfully put ourselves out there, apply, and see if God would open up something for us. At first there were two opportunities at churches where we knew people and they seemed to me like either one would be wonderful. I'll be honest. I was naive. I thought R. would have this in the bag the minute he sent out a resume. I think he's pretty amazing. I guess in a way he's my special snowflake husband. No one is as fabulous as he is! But yeah, God had other plans for me (and for us) and those plans have consisted of months and months of waiting, closed doors, like really slammed in our face doors, uncertainty, wondering if God would ever answer, doubt, lots of seeking and prayer, and finally determining that there was nothing I could do to change our situation and nothing that R. could do either.
It. has. been. hard. I've wanted to will myself out of this wilderness place so many times. Like just give up and say "Okay that's it. There's just nothing better for us." So many aspects of our situation make finding a new position seemingly impossible. I won't bother with the details. So here we are. We are still waiting. I am still choosing to trust God. R. hasn't really ever wavered on that, but I certainly have. And I'm just going to leave this here along with every other post I make until God ends this period of waiting on Him with an open door. I trust He will. I want to chronicle this journey. I actually wish I had started back in January because He has taught me so much along this path I am on right now. Anyway, that's where we're at right now. Stay tuned.
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