Sunday, September 17, 2017

In the Wilderness- Middle School

So for the second time in the educational journey of my children,  I had to send one of them to a school that I had bad feelings about.  The first time was 4 years ago when we still lived in NYC.  We had J. at an absolutely phenomenal school that we adored.  I had hopes I would be starting a job there as I was planning to go back to work full time and had a great relationship with his principal.  But my plans were not the ones God had for us.  I found out I was pregnant with I. right as I was filling out my paperwork to return to teaching.  Because the school wasn't zoned for our apartment, and I wouldn't be working there, the school asked us to to fudge our address so we could register M. (we never had to do that for J. because there was space for kids who were out of zone when he enrolled). R. and I agreed that we would get no where by being dishonest.  God would have to open a door for M. to attend without lying about our address.  Well, He didn't.  So it goes sometimes.  So I registered both boys for the school we were zoned for.  It was highly rated, but I didn't like it.  We sent them.  They did fine, but I honestly never liked it and we moved anyway at the end of that school year.

Fast forward to this year.  Recalling that I believed in January we wouldn't be here by the start of this school year because God was going to open a door for R. to find a new job, I didn't expect to be dealing with what to do about sending J. on to middle school here.  We're still here, and it's September so things obviously didn't go according to my plan.

I  had an overwhelming fear about sending J. to the middle school here.  There were a few reasons why.  Number one, I went to an extremely small private school in the area that costs gobs of money but was very safe, challenging, and nurturing.  Number two, our middle is huge.  I think there are 2400 students all together.  Number three, I have heard and read horror stories about our middle school.  Fights, bullying, 35 kids in a class, more fights, kids sitting on the floor of the school bus because there weren't enough seats for everyone.  I could not send my baby into that place.

So I was discouraged we weren't moving, but I solved that by deciding to homeschool him.  We started over the summer to make sure it would work well.  First of all I am 100% not a homeschool mom.  I'm just not.  I'm a teacher, but I believe in actual schools.  Nothing against homeschooling.  I'm just philosophically aligned with my kids going to school.  So there was that, but we tried anyway.  Guess what?  We were both miserable.  I couldn't help that kid with hardly any of his math questions.  I didn't really fair so well at math when I was in school.  And then I have 4 other kids, two of whom are really little so I had about zero minutes to really sit down with him and help him.

I prayed hard about it and determined that this homeschooling thing was only meant to be temporary until we moved, but God had not opened that door yet so it was unwise to plan around Him doing something He hadn't done or promised to do.  I felt like I needed to let go and send him to middle school.  Where was R. in all of this?  He always thought he should go, but being that I'm the educator of the two of us, he let me decide.  He also has a habit of letting me figure out God's plan the round about way.  It usually works best for both of us.

So the decision was made, but I was still worried it was going to be awful.  I went to "locker day" with J. where they figure out where all their classes are and there were maybe 8 gazillion kids there.  I was totally overwhelmed.  Umm J. was fine though so I should have taken that as a hint that it would be fine, but I didn't.

The first day of school comes and I'm beside myself.  I prayed all day that he would be fine, and find all his classes, and not get beaten up, and have people to sit with at lunch, and make it to the bus on time to come home.  Oh yeah and I also cried a little when he got on the school bus.  Sigh.  I wait for him with anticipation to come home and when he does he was so happy.  He loved it!  He thanked me for praying for him and said it worked because he had a great day!  Woo hoo!

We're a few weeks in now and he still loves it.  PTL!  He loves the independence, is acting so responsibly and maturely.  I'm so glad we went ahead with it.  We talked recently about the possibility that we might move mid year and he'll have to start over again.  I feel awful about that.  But I reminded him that he has had a few unique opportunities to be the new kid, starting over and God has always been faithful every time to help him make friends and find his place.  I told him if he has to do it again, it will be hard, but God will be with Him just like He always has.  And I also told him that someday once he's settled again in that new place there will be another new kid who knows no one and might not even know that God can and is with him/or her and J. can be a friend to that person because he'll remember walking in their shoes.  That encouraged him greatly.

Waiting, trusting, hanging on to God's promises, making tough choices through prayer, living every day for today.

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