My PSA about Fertility (at least mine but probably others as well)

I generally don't like to be soapboxey, but I can't help myself:

Since finding out we were expecting our fourth child I have braced myself for the comments that would ensue when it became obvious to everyone that we had another one on the way.  At 26 weeks pregnant  it's been a good two months now that I couldn't really hide the fact.  Perhaps living elsewhere in this country we would be relatively average with number four on the way and no one would bat an eyelash, but in NYC this is not a common occurrence.  Hence anyone and everyone has an opinion on it.

Just yesterday our Super saw me in the elevator and looking aghast, stated, "Another one?  When are you going to close up shop already!?  You're going to need a bigger apartment!"  Thanks.  I've been asked on a few occasions if Ricardo and I have cable TV because obviously we're in need of something else to occupy our time other than making babies.  I've been asked if we were using birth control, what kind, and how it failed?  Hmmm?  Honestly, I know everyone means well and I usually let it slide off my back, but really and truly it's nobody's business.

It really never ceases to amaze me how opinionated people can be about other people's fertility, especially when those people are nearly strangers.  The fact is that many couples are unable to get pregnant, unable to stay pregnant, have an unplanned pregnancy (raises hand), don't want to have children, or actually WANT to have many many children and are happily headed in that direction.  Without knowing a person's circumstance I feel it's highly insensitive to comment on it.  Usually the comment is more directed at how the commenter would feel in the person's shoes and not at the person's situation itself.  But it's still often rude and inappropriate. When someone is expecting,  a simple congratulations will do and thankfully we've had a number of wonderful people who have said just that and left it at that.  When someone is not obviously expecting, don't ask about when they will be.  Following those two simple rules will assure proper etiquette in the area of a woman's fertility.

Jumping off my soapbox.

The Plan Shatterer

As Christians we talk a lot about wanting to follow God's plan for our lives.  We'll say things like, "If He wills it", "God Willing..."  We obsess over whether what we are doing is in line with His plan.  I've come to a hard and fast realization that all my talk about God's plans has really been code language for  
"My own plans sugar coated with some spirituality".   Really it's true.  I mean I care about what God's plans are for my family and myself, but really I don't want to wait for any of them to come to pass.  Preferably I like to figure out the most logical options and then see if I can pinpoint exactly what makes the most sense and then attribute that to God's plan being revealed.  Deep down I know how foolish this is.  If I could just be a tad bit more patient perhaps He might actually have a chance to work.  But I'm a planaholic.  I always have been.

 Up until I came to know Jesus, most of my plans actually came to fruition.  I got into the exact college I planned for.  I planned my course of study, obtained the exact job I always intended to land upon graduation.  I rarely faced rejection because I was so well planned out.  But in the last six months I've had more plans fail, more future plans contain unsurmountable glitches than I know what to do with.  And I think it's God's way of telling me to stop making plans without Him.  He knows what He's doing.  I don't.  I just need to ask Him to pave a way and then give Him a chance to do it.

Without consultation, plans are frustrated...

Proverbs 12:22 NASB

Tunnels

Maybe I don't discuss it enough on my blog, but my husband Ricardo is truly amazing.  I mentioned in a previous post how incredible he was supporting me through the birth of my children, but his true feat is sticking by my side and weathering a hormonal beating when I am pregnant.  This pregnancy has been particularly trying because we are in limbo, trying to sort out what steps God wants us to take next.  This has not been a good combo with pregnancy hormones.  But he is a trooper.

Today as I fell apart in a particularly brutal meltdown, Ricardo began comparing our life to being in a tunnel.  He said when you're in a tunnel you have no choice but to head for the light and make your way out.  He told me that I keep trying to dig my way out of this metaphoric tunnel and he is left trying to clear the dust away and convince me that digging out isn't the way to go.  We must just move forward to the light and eventually we will be out of it.  Wise words.  Maybe God is trying to tell me something?  Hmmm...

Later this evening M. asked me to read him a story and brought me a book entitled "I Knew You Could"  It's like a follow up of sorts from "The Little Engine that Could".  I could barely read the book to M. without crying.  God used the whole book to confirm everything that Ricardo had told me earlier in the day.  Here's the page that really assured me of this:

You'll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark,

And you'll wish for a light or even a spark.

You might get scared or a little bit sad,

Wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.

So here's some advice to help ease your doubt.

The track you took in must also go out.

So steady yourself and just keep on going ---

Before you know it, some light will be showing.

And then you'll be out, heading to a new place.

You'll be ready for the next tunnel you face.

Oh how true is that?  We're on this journey, this track that God has us on.  And sometimes it get's dark and hard and we worry and doubt.  But He will always see us through.  But like Ricardo reminded me, there's only one way out and that's by following the track towards the light, not trying to dig a separate exit fruitlessly.  I need this reminder each and every day right now.  Hopefully I can keep my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is Jesus.  Maybe next time He has me in a tunnel I'll be more ready for the challenge it brings.  

Fish

We just got back from a wonderful week long vacation at the beach.  Our rental home sits right on the sound and our house has a dock with direct water access.  The kids had all sorts of fun swimming, kayaking, and their all time favorite activity: fishing.  Last year we stayed in the same house and we caught nothing.  This year the kids were adamant that they would catch a fish.  They begged to go fishing the minute we arrived, but it took a us another day to actually wrangle some bait appropriate for salt water fish.  M. was certain they would be happy to eat bagels.

Armed with some shrimp we headed down to the dock to give it a shot.  The boys each took a turn with no success.  It seemed we might not be successful this year either.  Then little T. wanted to try.  I laughed and said, "Watch she's going to catch one on her first shot!"  Sure enough, with Ricardo's help, T. reeled in a little fish!  The kids were jumping up and down cheering.  With more confidence, M. went up to the plate and to my surprise caught one too.  Each child proudly posed with their fish before we let it go.  Finally it was J.s turn again.  At first he expected to catch a fish right away, but try after try he reeled in nothing.  He began to get frustrated and announce that he wanted to give up, that he would be the only one who ended up catching nothing.  We encouraged him, but also suggested if he didn't get one, that he be happy for his brother and sister (yeah right).

Finally there was only one small piece of shrimp left.  This was his last chance.  Struggling with my own faith lately I mustered up something in myself to pray out loud.  "Jesus, this is our last chance.  Please help J. catch a fish."  As he cast his line into the water I tried hard not to doubt.  I wanted to believe God would come through.  What little faith I had.  But sure enough J. felt a bite and swiftly reeled in his line, pulling up a small gleaming fish!  Standing on the dock my mom shouted, "I can't believe it!  On the last piece of bait!"  J. beamed with pride.  We snapped pictures, clapped, and then reminded him that God had answered our prayer.  He waited until the last second to do it, but He did.  Hmmm... parallel even greater things in life?  God always comes through, but sometimes not until there is nothing left to rely on but Him.  A message most wholeheartedly needed for where I am right now in life, waiting for God to send me a fish.

"Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”“No,” they answered. He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish."  John 21:4-6 NIV