The End/The Beginning

So I have no idea if any of you who read this blog every struggle with my greatest struggle.  I’m going to share it because I’m sort of hoping I’m not alone.  I read a verse in the bible this morning that sort of got me thinking about it and I happen to also be reading the book of Ecclesiastes right now, which is super depressing if you struggle with what I do. 

Here it is:  At any given moment in my day I am usually in some form or another thinking about how short life is.  I think about it every time I look at my kids and see how big they’ve gotten.  I think about it when I see old pictures, especially wedding pictures or pictures of my kids as babies.  I walk around and go about my day, but always in my head I am thinking about how my life is like this little whiff of eternity.  It’s nothing.  I will blink and it will be over. 

When I think about that I feel sad even though I shouldn’t feel sad.  God has promised me an eternity with Him, so obviously I believe that I have so much more to live for once my earthly life is done.  But even that, I just can’t wrap my mind around the notion of forever.  Everything I know and understand begins and it ends.  I have no concept of what foreverness will be.  Even though it’s promised to be wonderful, I still have no idea what it will be like.  So because everything I experience is here and now, I get very nostalgic and sad when I think about how short life really is. 

The only time I am not bothered by this is when I am in the presence of God, seeking His face, or doing something for Him that I know He wants me to do.  That’s when I am free of my thoughts and I feel like heaven could happen for me right then and there and off I’d go. 

I wonder if anyone else thinks like me?  Do other people really ponder the fact that their life is so very, very short?  If not, do they brush it aside?  I mean how can you not live with the reality that your life will be over at some point and the point will come quicker than you can imagine?  But I reading this verse this morning got me thinking: “He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.” Ecclesiastes 5:20 NIV84.   I think that must be true.  So many people think so little about eternity, until they come face to face with it at the end.   But it’s not really God who keeps our mind occupied, it’s the stuff we busy ourselves with.  It’s keeping busy and keeping our mind off of what’s going to happen when all is said and done.

Apologies for this entry being a bit of a rambler.  Basically, instead of brushing my thoughts to the side and doing everything in my power to have the happiest life I can before it’s over, I’ve determined to do something else.  Because life is pretty much nothing in comparison to eternity, I’ve decided to live for that.  Everything has eternal significance.  When all is said and done, I want to have loved as much as I could, served as many as I could, given all that I have, for the only One who really matters.  Only because of Jesus can I live like that.  

Good Byes and Uncertainty

Two things I am not good at are good byes and uncertainty.  For example, anytime in life when I have come to the end of something, I have gotten very anxious about the good byes that would ensue.  In fact, when the good bye is finally over and the person or place is gone I feel a certain sense of relief instead of sadness.   I would venture to guess that most people feel a similar sense of insecurity in dealing with something ending, even if they know that what is coming next is going to be great. 

The same thing goes for me with anything that is uncertain.  I like to know what’s up ahead.  I like to be sure of things.  So when there is any kind of uncertainty to what the future holds I find it very difficult to go with the flow.  (As if any of us actually ever have any certainty about anything : )

So I guess it’s no wonder that I have a hard time thinking about the end of this life and the uncertainty in my mind of what it will be like when this chapter is over.  It also should be no surprise I guess that I’ve written about this before and will probably write about this again. 

I know what the bible tells me about heaven.  I know the promises made about what it will be like.  I know that the bible tells me it will be much, much, infinitely much better than anything I know now.  But despite that knowledge, I find myself clinging to my life here on earth, because it’s all that I know and all that I see.  Because having faith in a God that I cannot see, cannot touch, and cannot hear audibly requires me to suspend certain doubts that my little finite brain has wrapped itself around.   Because leaving this life will be a good bye of sorts, which I’m not good at.  There’s uncertainty wrapped up in what that moment will be like and if everything I’ve hoped for, banked on, and dedicated my life to will really come to pass.

In all of that though I trust that when I finally take that journey and the good bye is behind me, the good ahead will be so very good.  I will be with the God that I so long for.  I will have questions answered.  I will fully know Him then.  Any ache, or sadness will disappear. 

So even though I accept my uncertainty of what is to come, I also have a great sense of anticipation to meet Jesus.  Not the Jesus that is painted in pictures.  Not the Jesus that so very many people claim to affiliate with though their hearts are cold towards the very people He loves.  The actual Jesus.  In person.  Face to face.  Someday I will see the One who has heard ever prayer I have ever prayed, collected every tear I have ever cried, who has always been there, who is waiting for me.

No more good byes.  No more uncertainty.  Forever.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

(Hebrews 11:1NIV84)

Going to the Promised Land

I've been reading through the bible and I'm currently in the book of Deuteronomy.   My favorite chapter has always been chapter 8.  God brings me back to it all the time whenever I need a reminder that every good thing in my life comes from Him.  I'm going to highlight some of the verses in it and how I've see them recently in a new way.

 A little background info:  At this point in the bible the Israelites have traveled out of Egypt and have spent a long time wandering around in the desert.  Despite that, God has abundantly provided for them, doing many miraculous things in their midst.  They are now getting ready to enter the land He had promised to them.  But before they do, God is speaking to them through Moses and reminding them of everything He has brought them through.  Here are four parts of Deuteronomy 8 that really stick out for me.

 1. "Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands." (Deuteronomy 8:2 NIV84).

 I feel like the journey the Israelites took through the desert can be likened to our own journey on earth.  The same reminder for them can be applied to ourselves.   The desert is like a symbol for our earthly home.  It's not perfect and wonderful all the time. It's hard and rough and we are left longing for something more.  That longing will not be fulfilled until we reach the Promised Land.  For us that is heaven.

 2. "He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 8:3 NIV84)

 The desert had no ability to sustain the Israelites.  They had to rely on God for provision, which came in the form of manna.  The bible is like our manna to help sustain us through our earthly journey.  It contains promises, truths, directions, encouragement, and best of all the ability to come alive in our hearts and point out specific things to us. That's why it's so important that we look to it every day.  Like the manna was only given to the Israelites to sustain them for one day at a time, so is the word of God for us.  We need it each day for the challenges of that day alone.

 3. "Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and revering him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey;" (Deuteronomy 8:6-8 NIV84)

 I often wondered why the Israelites were so doubtful about where they were going.  God showed them signs and wonders.  How hard was it to trust that the Promised Land was going to be everything that God said it was?  Yet I have found myself in exactly the same place, questioning the goodness of the heaven that is promised to me despite seeing Gods faithfulness and miracles in my own life.  It's in our nature to fear the unknown and to doubt what we cannot see.  But God wants us to trust that what he has for us beyond this earthly life is good and more than we can even imagine.

 4. "When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."(Deuteronomy 8:10-14 NIV84)

 How many people with an abundance of earthly wealth really believe it has been given to them as a blessing from God?  Not many I would guess.  Again, It is in our nature to be prideful and to think that we have what we do because we've worked hard, earned it ourselves, and deserve it.  Receiving wealth and earthly pleasures while we are living runs runs a risk that our prideful nature will lose sight of where they came from.  It's no surprise to me that it's those who have very little material things that are more likely to live with a greater joy in their hearts because they have not lost sight of God.  They are able to find this joy in Him and not in things.  Thankfully in heaven we will be able to enjoy everything God gives us in abundance without running any risk of forgetting who gave it to us.  Unlike the Israelites who entered the Promised Land, when we get to heaven we will never forget who brought us there because He will be there with us!

 One last thought about my friends the Israelites:

 Before entering the Promised Land, while they faced the challenges of their 40 years in the desert, the Israelites often cried out to God, telling him they wished hey had been left in Egypt.  I never quite understood this. But yet again I am realizing how often we do the same when we are in the midst of a trial or even just living life.  We question Him.  We begin to question every promise He has ever made us and whether He is real at all.  We say:  Why would you do this to me?  If you were real then you would not be doing this to me.  And just like they forgot the parting of the Red Sea and the manna and water coming out of a rock; we forget everything He has ever done for us and how He's helped us before, simply because we can't seem to see Him in our current struggle.  We shake our heads at the Israelites.  How could they forget?  Yet we are just the same.  We are on the same journey.  A journey that God sees in its entirety, while we only see what is directly in front of us.  He sees around every corner.  And while we are shaking our head or asking why, He is telling us:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
 neither are your ways my ways,”   declares the Lord.
  “As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways  and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8, 9 NIV84)

 He wants us to trust Him as we fulfill our journey here on earth.  His promises for what is ahead when we finish are more than we can even imagine!